Women of Faith Conference 2010

This was my first Women of Faith conference and I was blessed with the opportunity to go when a customer of mine offered me FREE tickets to join.  I loved the concerts performed by Mary Mary and Natalie Grant.  The first night, Mary Mary had everyone up on their feet dancing, jumping and shouting for joy!  I had the opportunity to get a picture with them after Friday night, however, it's not sending from my phone or else I'd add it.  The second day I went and sat the majority of the day alone and it was a beautiful time to just really focus on God and soak in what I was hearing without being distracted and feeling obligated to interact with people around me.  Natalie Grant performed and left me in tears when she walked off the last stage for her portion of the WOF tour because she's expecting a new baby in a matter of weeks.  I was glad that Kansas City made her list of performances because I'm incredibly moved by her music.

I really connected with ALL of the speakers, but I connected most with Kim Cash Tate and Sheila Walsh's message.

Kim is an author and she talked about how she loves writing (and so do I) and how she has the opportunity to become best friends with the characters in her stories.  She gets to take them to beauty from ashes.  She gets to plan out the plot from beginning to end and has the privilege of redeeming her characters.  She talked about how she became so used to writing the life story for her characters that she attempted to write her own life story.  She had everything planned out and how it would work and soon realized that if God is the author of her life, she can't have the pen too.  That spoke to me because I personally love writing too and the best way I know how to make sense of my life and what runs through my mind is by writing.  I'm not guilty of trying to write my own story to "success," however, I have repeatedly attempted to write my own way out of the "pits" I've made in my life.

The second speaker I related to was Sheila Walsh. Sheila had spoke about a time when she was admitted into a mental ward and made the statement that "Sometimes God will take you to a prison just to set you free." That single statement penetrated my heart and I applied it directly to the past year of my life. Lately I've had to come face-to-face with some deeply rooted issues from my past (and present) that I've tried suppressing for years. Although I haven't been in a literal prison, by my free will, God allowed me to walk through nearly 12 months of my own spiritual prison.

Sheila talked about meeting a missionary and a Pastor while she was in the mental facility. The Pastor was burdened by attempting to live two lives, one in public and one in private. The missionary had been molested when she was younger and felt the guilt and shame of that violation and felt she had to make it up to God by doing missions, although she absolutely hated it. Even though it was Sheila sharing "her" story, I related to both the pastor living a double-life and the missionary trying to please God in ways that were ultimately contrary to His perfect will for her.


I'm at a place where I feel like I'm relearning everything that I've ever known "in Christ."  What are my convictions and what convictions have I been told I'm supposed to have?  With what I listen to, what I watch, what I drink, who I communicate with and how I communicate with them.  Where I go and who I go there with.  "Fellowship" vs. "friendship" and if there is a difference between the two.  When it says "friendship with the world is enmity towards God," does that mean that I should not allow myself to befriend someone who is not a believer and "in the world" because I'm hating God by doing so or does it mean that I shouldn't partner in doing the DEEDS of this world and it's system?  I've got so distracted by trying to uphold my own religious standards (or that of those around me) that I was choking out the pure JOY there should be in living my life for Him.

My "mission" had become such a chore (going to Church, trying to read the Bible, trying to pray, avoiding ungodly people, trying to live a good life) and my "works" were moreso to appease my own guilty conscience.  The sporatic happiness I had in my life, I masked as joy. There is a vast difference between happiness and true joy.  My "happiness" was primarily found in making other people happy (even over God) but I felt guilty behind closed doors because of the deep secrets in my heart, in my life and in my mind.


A few days ago I just felt to look up the verse that says, "It's for freedom that Christ has set you free, stand firm, then, and don't let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."  I had actually just parked my car when I decided to look that up and so I did a word search on my smartphone.  I've never read too much from the Message translation, but for whatever reason I looked it up in the Message and the whole chapter of Galatians 5 hit home hard!


Galatians 5

" 1 Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you.



2-3I am emphatic about this. The moment any one of you submits to circumcision or any other rule-keeping system, at that same moment Christ's hard-won gift of freedom is squandered. I repeat my warning: The person who accepts the ways of circumcision trades all the advantages of the free life in Christ for the obligations of the slave life of the law. 4-6I suspect you would never intend this, but this is what happens. When you attempt to live by your own religious plans and projects, you are cut off from Christ, you fall out of grace. Meanwhile we expectantly wait for a satisfying relationship with the Spirit. For in Christ, neither our most conscientious religion nor disregard of religion amounts to anything. What matters is something far more interior: faith expressed in love."

I highlighted two portions in red because I never INTENDED to live by my own religious plans and projects, I simply tried to live the way I'd been taught I was supposed to live in Christ.  Then it goes further to say that we expectantly "wait" for a satisfying relationship with the Spirit.  WOW!  Right now I am literally at a place where God is helping me out of one of the deepest pits I've ever dug in my life due to my own choices to sin, but in the midst of it I'm more satisfied in Him than I've ever been since "coming to know Him."  I hate that I'd have to fall so terribly in order to have my eyes opened to how my blindness came far before I consciously made the choice to blatently sin.  I've spent YEARS expectantly waiting for that place of "satisfaction" in Him and trying to do more because obviously I either wasn't doing enough or my heart was just too screwed up to be changed.  I'm learning that it's likely my own "religiousness," my own means of trying to make myself righteous when only HE can make me righteous and my own "rule-keeping" LAW that has kept me from experiencing His fullness of joy. 
In my "rule-keeping system," I pulled away from family, rejected GOOD friends because of "low" standards, disassociated from anything and anyone that may have caused me to look like the world because I worked hard to "avoid the appearance of evil."   I never even realized that I was hearing that verse out of context, I just accepted it the way it was presented to me.  Just before this verse it talks about warning unruly, comforting fainthearted, upholding weak and being patient with ALL.  Even in my working to "avoid" this appearance and association though, I was still considered rebellious for the few I did choose to keep in my life (friends who edified me and encouraged me but didn't fit the mold).   Now the Bible does talk in other places about disassociating with believers who willfully choose a lifestyle of sin (not wanting to reject it), but I was quick to lump them with the Christian who truly was walking out their salvation with fear and trembling but may have had a slightly different view than me or was currently struggling with sin more than me.  Where is the faith expressed by LOVE in that?

I have exhausted so much time and energy trying to abide by the "rules" that I wasn't living a life of freedom at all.  I was bound. My Christian walk wasn't received as a blessing, it was the burden that kept me chained down rather than setting me free.  Kinda like chaining a pit bull to a pole when he wants to be loose, I felt so overwhelmed by the "rules" of living a life for Him that the times that I broke away from that legalistic chain, I ran full speed to sin.


I've always heard that freedom in Christ isn't a license to sin and so I've quoted it a thousand times, but I never have understood just what "freedom in Christ" really means though.  I'm at a place right now where I'm opening my heart to learn who the "FREE woman" whom Christ has redeemed is.  I'm learning that "losing my life so that I may find it," and "dying to myself daily," is about being liberated from the old person who has to wrestle daily with a set of "rules."  We hear it all the time - but I guess I never believed it.


When I begin pouring my heart out on Him, loving Him and spending time getting to KNOW Him for myself, I don't need rules, I'll LOVE living a life that pleases Him. I wont need a list of "don't do's," because I wont be doing them, my hearts desires will gradually become more and more like His. I'm not there yet - but I'm starting to see a different picture than the one that was always painted in my mind before. Don't get me wrong, I understand that "rules" are important, Jesus said that He didn't come to abolish the law but to fulfill it (Mt 5:17), but the reason he takes the commandments further is because we can disregard the "rules" in our hearts without ever physically participating in the sin.  Just because I've got my big religious list telling me not to listen to secular music, go to the movie theatres or watch certain movies, be friends with that person because we all know they sinned or drink that thing doesn't mean that my heart is pure before God.

My list of "can't do's" isn't going to draw anyone to the knowledge of the truth of Jesus Christ and cause their hearts to open to the power of His saving grace! My list is what makes me the person so many searching people in the world do NOT want to be. They are HUNGRY to have a void filled in their hearts, but not if that void is getting what I have - a set of rules. If you are already bound, where is the freedom in that?

FREEDOM in Christ isn't bondage to rules.


FREEDOM in Christ is a heart issue.


FREEDOM in Christ takes away the "I can't do this" and replaces them with the "I don't desire to's."

For months I've gone through a vicious cycle of setting rules only to break them, sometimes just as quickly as I'd set them. I was in a prison of guilt, shame, depression, fear and failure, all in direct result of my sin and not knowing how to just "do what is right." As if my sin weren't great enough, add to that the fact that I was unable to keep my own new "rule." I felt even more inadequate. Hypocrital. Weak-minded. Worthless. Rejected. Lost. Confused. Hurting. I hurt more every time that I tried and failed because I tried and failed in my flesh. I knew all of the things that I was NOT supposed to do, so when I did them I felt like there was something wrong with me. (Romans7)

"Why are all the other Christians able to follow the rules, but I can't break this cycle?"

I saw my faith as a "rule-keeping system" that if I happened to disobey, I'd have to start all over at "Point A" so in turn I've spent a good deal of time dropping out of the race just to go back to the starting line. I've had more fear of being kicked out of God's family and God's Church than I had a Holy fear and reverence for His grace and mercy. I've spent the majority of my Christian walk fighting the thought that something just didn't take for me, something went wrong in my conversion. I never realized that I was bound more to the you have to do "this, this and this" to please Him and don't even think about doing "that, that and definitely not that!" I didn't find that place of "FREEDOM," I felt more bound than before I knew Him. At least then I wasn't falling under condemnation every other day. God's KINDNESS leads us to repentence, but I had a skewed viewpoint that resembled a student writing sentences on a chalkboard repeatitively in order to get the lesson ingrained in his mind. That viewpoint leaned more towards strict discipline than deep compassion. Although I know God most certainly causes us to tremble in fear and shows times of wrath and terror due to our sin, there are also times of Him drawing us out into the desert to "allure" us like He did Gomer in the book of Hosea. He causes the things we've found ourselves depending on to FAIL us in order for us to see that He (our first love) is the only one who will never leave us or forsake us. God really does work in mysterious ways, but I'm thankful that He knows how to call a wayward heart home (and not every heart will respond to the same call).


I'm breaking free from my well-trained religious rule-keeping system and am beginning to LOVE letting go and living for Him.  I'm learning how to LOVE others and how to love myself.  I learned how to deny myself, but I didn't learn much about loving myself.  He's giving me His grace and peace in the midst of it all. It's scary to really have faith for Him to work in me rather than just "say" I believe and have faith. I'm now making the choice to walk in the light and keep myself accountable to God and the godly counsel of others. I feel like I'm becoming a whole new "me" all over again, but He does make ALL things new and I'd made an incredible mess of what I was becoming.


Well, that's the summary of my gleaning from the Women of Faith conference. I'm sure I could go through my notes and share more, but this was what really hit home the most for me. It was a TREMENDOUS blessing to be able to go this year and I hope I'm able to attend again next year.

I'm living and learning how to LOVE life!

HAVE A BLESSED DAY! :')

Fight for Air Climb 2010

 

I'M ALIVE!!!

On Saturday I completed the Fight for Air Climb to benefit the American Lung Association.  This was a climb of 34 stories to the top of the Town Pavillion in downtown KCMO.  The Town Pavillion is makes up part of our cities skyline as it's the 2nd largest sky scraper downtown.

Town Pavillion - 34 story climb

Some co-workers rallied with me for this last-minute event and we formed team Breathe Right.  We raised $625 for the ALA which was $125 OVER our team goal.  I'm thankful for everyone who was willing and able to donate funds for the fight against lung disease.

Team Breathe Right (minus Kristi) BEFORE the climb!

 I was excited that I completed the race in 9:58:8.  From start to finish it took me less than 10 minutes, but those 10 minutes felt like they'd NEVER end in that stairwell.  To give some perspective, one of our team participants completed the KC Waddell & Reed half-marathon last month and she said that this event hurt worse than her half!

This was my 3rd official race and by far the MOST painful thing I've ever done (all workouts and races included).  My Last Chance Workout for the KC Fit Magazine Challenge was mild in comparision to this short "sprint" event.  This felt like someone lit a match inside of me and set my lungs on fire.

After Fight for Air Climb

Kristi finished 1st for our team and 9th in her age group, she was FLYING!  She had to take a step outside when she was done to get some fresh air into her lungs.  Just making it to the top of this event was an accomplishment though considering you felt like you were dying not even half-way through the race.



There were firefighters and swat team participants who ran the stairs in full gear and I most certainly take my hat off to them and what they do to save lives.  I won’t forget hearing the echo of deep breathing in the stairwell and then a loud crash of something hitting the cement ground when I was about half-way through the race.  I had to make my way up another 3-4 floors before I realized it was the axe of one of the firemen.  He was leaning up against the wall with his oxygen tank on struggling for air while still cheering on the rest of us, “Great work ladies, keep it up!  You’re doing awesome!”  I almost cried!

My friend Brian was there in full-gear with the Overland Park Fire Department and he completed it 9:54:8.  I contemplated dropping my 16 oz water bottle due to the inconvenience of carrying "extra weight" and he finished with and extra 50+ pounds in gear.  OUCH!  I have to say that I'm incredibly proud of him and all of the men and women who came out to represent their departments in full gear.  Can you imagine what type of training it requires to run through houses, climb ladders and run up stairwells to save the lives of civilian's stuck in a fire?  More than that, to CARRY someone out of a fire when you are already carrying around all of that gear as it is?

THANK YOU FIREFIGHTERS, POLICE OFFICERS and SWAT TEAM MEMBERS FOR ALL THAT YOU DO TO SERVE AND PROTECT US!!!



Brian & I after the Fight for Air Climb



Verse of the Day:

Psalm 119:143

"Trouble and distress have come upon me, but your commands give me delight."

Fight for Air Climb 2010

Fight for Air Climb

"Breathe Right"

This Saturday (November 13, 2010), I will be completing the Fight for Air Climb in order to raise funds for the American Lung Association.  I'm excited and thankful that I was able to rally a team and I'm now the captain for team, "Breathe Right."

As for me personally...

I am doing so because I am able. I can breathe freely, and I climb for those who are not as lucky.



I haven't fought lung disease, but I DO know the importance of our lungs. As some of you may know, I’ve lost nearly 160 pounds over the past 1 1/2 years and I’m still fighting to lose 40 more in order to reach my goal. I used to fight for air just by walking to my car at lunch or climbing the stairs at home.  For me, I had a battle to breathe because of my own poor choices but there are some who battle to breathe with no choice.




This event will be a milestone on my journey to remember where I've come from compared to where I am TODAY!  When I started my journey, I had a love/hate relationship with a machine called the "Stair Master."  I literally had to "Fight for Air" just to make it through 5 minutes.  Saturday, I'll "Fight for Air" as I push for 34 STORIES worth of stairs.  This is going to be exciting folks!
So far I’ve done an official 1 mile race and a 5k race, but this will add a certain "twist" that your more traditional races don't offer. For me, this will be another celebration that I will never forget on my journey to losing 200 pounds and why not shoot for a personal accomplishment that will help other people?


Every dollar I raise helps the American Lung Association work towards the prevention, control and cure of lung diseases, such as asthma, lung cancer, emphysema, chronic bronchitis, influenza and pneumonia.


If you are interested in sponsoring me OR my team, please click here.

God Bless!

Nov 1st: "LOCK IN the WEIGH-IN"

November 1st - January 1st

 "LOCK IN the WEIGH-IN"

MINE: 185.4 lbs

The concept of "Lock in the Weigh-in" came from Carolyn Jost, a woman who I met through Round 3 of the KC Fitness Magazine Challenge.  As a way of keeping herself accountable throughout the holiday season, she hops on the scale on November 1st and has a goal of being that weight OR LESS by January 1st (after facing all the holidays).  I thought this was BRILLIANT when she shared it with our group.  So although I wish this were an original idea of mine, I have to applaud Carolyn for the inspiration of the "Lock in the Weigh-in" Challenge.

Within the networking world of healthy living and weight-loss, we share tips and tricks we've learned in our own lives that may be beneficial to others.  I especially love the suggestions during the tempting "holiday season."

WHY?

Because this is the time of year where all the comfort foods, favorite sweet treats and once-a-year family recipes start hitting the dinner tables to be enjoyed and it's hard to not simply lose control.  Grasping and adhering to the concept of moderation becomes TOUGH during the holiday festivities, even for those who have a fair amount of self-control.  We have to learn to control our temptations in everyday living (which is much easier said than done), so avoiding social activities all together may not be the best game plan, however, for most some sort of game plan is necessary when it's not realistic to remove yourself from temptation.

I challenge YOU to "Lock in the Weigh-in."  TODAY, make a note of your November 1st weight and set out to maintain and/or LOSE weight by January 1st.  I don't want you to be fooled by my statement to "maintain," because I hope to have successfully burned fat and lost weight come the beginning of the year rather than waiting for it to be my "resolution."  For some however, losing weight isn't necessary, but maintaining your weight through the holiday season is the challenge!

What are holidays?  They are DAYS, not months!  Don't lose yourself (and your health) because of a series of "days" we celebrate over the span of TWO MONTHS.

I encourage you, "LOCK IN the WEIGH-IN" and hold yourself accountable.

Happy Fall

Hope everyone is enjoying FALL!

What are YOU doing to prepare for the fast approaching holiday season?

Fail to plan, plan to fail...

Don't let the SNEAK up on you. :)

Detox Deception...

If you've roamed through the health food/supplement section at your local supercenter or GNC, you've probably noticed the ever increasing line of detox products on the shelves.  Every health "guru" has their face plastered on a product and every brand of supplements offers their own "version" which is undoubtedly, FAR BETTER THAN REST....right?

They have claims of being ALL NATURAL, lose up to 10 pounds in one week, lose inches, eliminate belly bloat, shed excess water weight, breaks plateaus and remove toxins from the body.  Ultimately, all of these claims are a deception, but typically true!

So why a deception?

I'm not going to completely knock the concept of supplemental detoxes, I think it depends on HOW and WHY they are being taken?  Is it undoubtedly to flush your body of unwanted toxins that are roaming around in our bodies?  Is it because it acts as a colon cleanse which some doctors actually recommend 1-2x a year?  If it IS for the purpose of colon cleanse, are you using a product that will replace the healthy bacteria in your digestive tract or is it getting rid of the good with the "bad"?

So, why am I even talking about a DETOX?

I purchased and started a 14-day detox cleanse 1 1/2 weeks ago.  Although the concept of flushing toxins from your body is worth the thought, I was buying the seller's pitch: "LOSE WEIGHT QUICK!!!"  I feel like I've wasted an entire MONTH in this funk of putting the pieces of my life back together and what is the first thing to go when everything else is seemingly a mess - HEALTH!  I waltzed right into my friendly neighborhood Wal-Mart and spent just under $20 to purchase (photo ID now required) this lovely acai berry ALL NATURAL detox cleanse.  Like I said, I don't completely disagree with detoxes or cleanses (although I prefer the clean eating method of detox which can also be called the Daniel Fast).  Either way, when you are doing a cleanse to purge your body of impurities, you shouldn't be craming it FULL of toxins at the same time - in either instance you should be eating a semi-clean diet.  WHAT DID I DO?  I've spent the past 1 1/2 weeks binging on fatty fast foods (morning, noon and night) yet religiously taking my "daily detox pill" before bed.  Definitely not a good example and I would NOT recommend you try this at home.

So, what happened?



I call it the "lie detector"



In most instances, when you take "shortcuts" in life you either miss out on so many experiences or you sell yourself short and it ends up costing yourself more in the long run.  I managed to just "slip" underneath my prior weigh-in weight for my 8-month weight loss challenge thanks to this lovely "detox" pill, I lost an entire 0.6 pounds!!!  That actually meant I shed nearly 8 pounds in a week to fall under my previously recorded number - BUT - sometimes it's what's happening on the inside the matters most!  Once we step off the scale they have us hold this "lie-detector test" machine in our hands that measures body-fat.  I went UP an entire % in body fat!  Yes, I dropped nearly 8 pounds with the assistance of this detox and most certainly lost some water, even felt the inch difference in some clothes, I'm assuming some toxins were removed with my supplement induced bathroom routine (although those toxins were replaced by Taco Bell & McDonalds), but all of those seemingly GREAT results were quickly overshadowed by the truth - weight loss does NOT mean FAT LOSS (for a good blog entry titled "Weight Loss," not important, click here).

This was yet another one of the hard truth lessons I've learned on this road and I have to repeat to myself what I've told numerous people in challenges I've hosted, "The number on the scale is just a point of reference, not a mirrored reflection of your efforts."  It's funny, because I've always said that to encourage people when the scale didn't seem to be moving, but it can be used in reverse, the scale may "appear" to be moving but is your body really changing for the better on the inside?  THAT is what matters!  FAT LOSS not "weight loss."

I'm living, learning and trying to love life along the way...

IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT THE SCALE

Verse of the Day:

**As for the verse, in relation to the blog post, it's about what's happening on the INSIDE.  God searches our hearts and regardless of how much it "appears" that we love Him by our actions, He knows the true intents of our hearts.

1 Chronicles 28:9


“As for you, my son Solomon, know the God of your father, and serve Him with a loyal heart and with a willing mind; for the LORD searches all hearts and understands all the intent of the thoughts. If you seek Him, He will be found by you; but if you forsake Him, He will cast you off forever.

Think Positively

"Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.  Look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true. Think only of the best, work only for the best, and expect only the best. Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.  Give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others. Live in the faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you!

-Christian D. Larson

From a card I bought in Georgia...

Verse of the Day:

Colossians 3:2 (NIV)


"Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things."