The journey...

Life is in the journey, not the destination, so do what you can and take it one day at a time. Go slow, do it right, and make your changes permanent — then help out others who are where you were.

~Jillian Michaels

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Decision Making Questionnaire

I read this "Decision Making Questionnaire" the other day that isn't really written for "food addiction," but when I saw it I thought of how relative it is for anyone with an addictive personality, including food addiction. I've not actually written out answers to this questionnaire (yet), but over the past couple days I've found myself mentally going through the questions before making food choices and/or going to particular restaurants. It's been INCREDIBLY helpful because lately it has seemed near impossible for me to not stop at a drive-thru when driving anywhere. CRAP food has become my 'main squeeze' and it's most definity made it impossible to SQUEEZE into any of my jeans. :( I've gone so far backwards on my journey that it's sickening and I'm thankful that I'm conscious and choosing to look at the reality now to get back on track, but it's hard!

I encourage you, check out the questionnaire below and see if you could apply it to your own life (with ANY addiction), I highlighted the question that challenged me MOST in light of my food addiction, WOW!....
----------------------------------

When deciding if you should engage in a particular activity, below are some questions to answer. Be brutally honest as you answer them. Use another sheet of paper to write down your answers. This questionnaire is especially helpful as you develop your boundaries and your definition of sobriety. You may want to provide this checklist to your sponsor so she can ask you these questions as needed.


1. Look at that behavior in light of all your other addictive/destructive behaviors. Is this particular activity similar to those behaviors? How is it similar? How is it different?

2. List all the reasons you think this particular activity is a healthy choice.

3. Will doing this particular activity propel you forward in your sobriety or take you backwards?

4. Will doing this particular activity propel you forward in your relationship with God or take you backwards?

5. If you did this particular activity every day for the next month what would be the result?

a. On your sobriety?
b. On your relationship with God?
c. On your relationship with others?
d. On how you feel about yourself?
e. On your weight loss journey (health, weight, physical ability)? (I added this question)

6. Are you creating a list in your mind of all the reasons it is okay for you to engage in this particular activity? Why do you think you are doing that?

7. Are you feeling any anxiety/guilt/shame as you think about doing this particular activity? Why do you think that is?

8. Would those who know you and your struggles consider this particular activity a healthy or unhealthy choice? Why do you think that is?

9. Are you willing to pray sincerely about this particular activity in order to listen to what God is saying and to obey what you hear?


10. Are you willing to present the situation honestly to your sponsor [or someone who knows your struggle] in order to gain their feedback?

11. Once you have made your decision, elaborate on why you choose to do or not do this particular activity.

I hope someone finds this questionnaire useful as I have, it's challenged me.

Monday, August 1, 2011

It's better to "fail"

Let's start with a math 'outlook' equation:

Finishing Dead Last > Not Finishing > Not Starting at All

Warrior Dash KC - July 30, 2011
Sometimes it's REALLY easy to lose perspective and not see the reality in tough workouts, races and challenges.

This weekend, several friends and I completed an AWESOME obstacle course 5k, better known as Warrior Dash! A 5k can be tough enough, now add about 10 obstacles in the middle of it and there you have what we just tackled. I'm talking CRAZY steep hills, tires, hay, balancing wood beams, climbing, cargo nets, river running, fire, mud, mud and more mud!

I was with a diverse group of people from all different levels of athletic ability. For several, this was their first race EVER (crazy choice huh!). Others were runners, several were walkers and some don't really work out at all. We all had ONE common goal though, to finish!

Well, all of us finished except for one who had to be escorted off due to an injury. Personally, I call that a "Badge of Honor." I've had a couple conversations with her since and she seems to be a bit discouraged and frustrated with herself for not being able to finish. That breaks my heart FOR her, because her disappointment is stealing the joy that can be found in the fact that she even started the race!

Ya know, I found myself slightly frustrated in the fact that I may have technically "finished," but I was foolish for attempting it with a heel injury, almost no training and therefore I walked 3/4 of the course, skipped 1 1/2 obstacles and took about 1 hour and 45 minutes to complete this beast! That's not an official time that you exactly find yourself "proud" of or excited to share. I'm thankful for AWESOME friends who trudged through this 'muddy mayhem' with me though, because they continuously reminded me of how awesome it was that I was even out there doing it and that I at least did 1/2 of the obstacle that I backed out of (the other obstacle I would've more than likely got injured further if I attempted it).

Point being...instead of my friend dwelling on "not finishing," or me bumming over "not finishing well," we need a new perspective. I could say I failed since I skipped some of the obstacles, but sometimes strength is knowing your limits too. Both of us are WARRIORS for even starting, that says we believed in ourselves! The fact that I wasn't willing to give up and was determined to finish is MIND over MATTER (and believe me, after slipping & falling about 5 times on the course and being in SEVERE PAIN, I wanted to take a seat on the side of the road and pass out in the piping hot sun). Not everything in life is about how well you finish, but the fact that you even started!

All of this reminded me of something my girl Jillian Michael's says, "If you aren't failing, you aren't trying hard enough." In this misunderstood world of exercise, FAILING at something that you made the effort to TRY can be success!!! Stop the comparisions. Forget the haters. Who cares about the skeptics who say if you can't do "this" in "this," that you're not good enough...as long as YOU pushed to your personal best, then you've won! Not everyone can "win" the race, but life is much more than coming in first place.

If you've ever started a race and seemingly "failed," whether that be because you were injured and had to quit, you were escorted off because of time or you finished with what you consider to be a "bad time," in my opinion YOU are strong because you went out and did it!




MAKE.IT.HAPPEN!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

OFF TOPIC: Masculinity at the foot of the cross

"Following Jesus doesn't always  feel natural to me...but isn't that the point?"

I read one of the BEST most REAL blog posts on Rachel Held Evans blog about what the Church has deemed as "masculinity" and how it's a contrary image than what we've seen in the Bible. Although I haven't read through all of her blog and don't know enough about her to know if I stand for all she represents and writes about, I really did love this post!

Masculinity and identity as a man is VERY much needed in our society today as well as in the Church, however, what is masculinity really? Is it big muscles, ability to hold your own in a fight and not crying? Absolutely NOT! So why is it so hard for men to acknowledge being in love with a MAN - JESUS! Why is it so hard for men to display their emotions through tears and most soft-hearted, compassionate, emotionally sensitive and fair tempered men are considered "sissy's" or oftentimes much worse terms?

I say give me the soft-hearted, emotionally inclined, compassionate, gentle man in LOVE with Jesus over the buff hunk who shows no sign of pain or weakness any day! Just my thoughts!

Blogpost from Rachel Held Evans:

“For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing,
but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.” – I Corinthians 1:18

The disciples never liked the idea of the cross.

Peter, a former zealot, especially hated the suggestion that Jesus would suffer at the hands of the Roman Empire and the Jewish religious leaders Peter so detested.

When Jesus predicted his impending suffering, Peter rebuked him, saying “God forbid it, Lord! This shall never happen to you.” Jesus responded by telling his disciples, “If anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.”

Still convinced that Jesus would lead some kind of political uprising, the disciples argued amongst themselves about who would reign beside him when he became king. Time and again Jesus reminded the disciples that his kingdom belonged not to the powerful or the violent, but to the gentle, the peacemakers, and the least of these.

But Peter fought against this idea until the bitter end.

When Jesus was arrested in Gethsemane, Peter took a sword and began fighting Jesus’ enemies, even cutting a guy’s ear off. But Jesus stopped Peter, and in a truly subversive act, healed his assailant instead. It was at this moment that Matthew reveals “all the disciples left Him and fled,” leaving Jesus to face his execution alone.

They were frightened and embarrassed.

Jesus showed no sign of fighting back, no sign of returning violence for violence, no sign of “acting like a man.”

Peter famously denied even knowing him.

In fact, Scripture reveals that it was the women who rallied around Jesus during his crucifixion, and consequently it would be women who would first witness his resurrection. Because of their faithfulness, they were the first bearers of the good news.

As the Apostle Paul would later write, “the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing.” The cross is counter-intuitive for all people, but it can be especially hard to carry for men whose instincts and culture reinforce the old way of “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.” Traits like gentleness, peacemaking, self-control, and non-violence are considered by our culture to be feminine qualities, not masculine ones, and so it should come as no surprise that the life and message of Jesus can be a turn off to men who consider such a lifestyle foolish.

As we have seen this week, there is even a push among some Christian groups to make the Church more attractive to men by celebrating violence and purging from the church any qualities or people that might be deemed “effeminate.”

But as Jesus tried to explain to his disciples, the cross is not about indulging oneself, but about denying oneself. Rather than conforming Christ to our notions of masculinity, we must conform our notions of masculinity to Christ.

And after the resurrection, the disciples did just that.

According to tradition, Peter would be crucified upside down.

Stephen was stoned.

Paul was imprisoned.

And Phillip not only welcomed the effeminate Ethiopian eunuch into the Church but also baptized him and sent him out to share the gospel with other people.

As Dan has often said to me, “Following Jesus doesn’t always feel natural to me…but isn’t that the point?”

We all have our thorns in the flesh that make us embarrassed by the cross. We all have times when we want so badly to introduce other people to Jesus that we try to downplay the radical nature of his teachings. I am as guilty of this as anyone else, and the fact that I hate to lose an argument makes me identify with Peter more than I care to admit.

But Jesus never promised that following him would be easy. He only promised that it would be worth it.

We are not charged with changing the gospel; we are changed with changing ourselves.
###

So what’s your thorn in the flesh? What instincts and desires do you struggle to let go of in order to take of your cross and follow Jesus?

Sunday, June 5, 2011

"Why I Do This..."

This blog could have easily taken on a different title, the other being "My Temple."

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body," (1 Cor. 6:19-20).
On Memorial Day, I'm thankful that I was able to go with my Church to Joplin, MO to help in the tornado relief efforts. It was a very humbling experience that gave confirmation and a bit of perspective once again as to "Why I Do This?"

I don't do this to be a size 2.

I don't do this to gain interest from guys.

I don't do this to look better than other girls.

I don't do this for attention or recognition.

I DO THIS to honor God with EVERY area of my life and that includes honoring Him with this temple.

We can't be careless about how we care for our physical body and yes, our body IS the temple of the Holy Spirit, BUT, I don't believe for a second that we care for our bodies so that God has some "fit body" to dwell in, a size 2 to call home. No, for me, it's ministry. God dwells in cancer-ridden "shells" that are quickly fading the same as He does the marathon runner with less than 5% bodyfat. I don't believe that His main concern is so much in how "equipped" or "perfect" a body is, but rather in how we use it. For me, it's about the ability to GO for him and do things that I was otherwise inhibited to do.

On our car ride home, after a long day of HARD, demanding work, we all talked about our experience and got to know each other on a deeper level in our fellowship and conversations. I'm still fairly new at my Church and haven't established those intimate relationships that I had prior at my Church of 9+ years. When I got to sharing a bit on my reflections from Joplin, I couldn't help but get emotional upon realizing that "THIS" is why I'm determined to fight this fight of faith PHYSICALLY as well as spiritually. "THIS" is why I'm working to transform this temple into one that is fit and active. "THIS" is why I believe God wants to be Lord over every area of our lives, including our physical bodies. In that moment it hit me, two years ago, this was an area of "ministry" that I wouldn't have been able to perform as I did while I was in Joplin. That is an area of ministry I was physically limited in although it was completely in my control to strip away those limitations. I wouldn't have been able to lift my weight to climb in and out of a semi-truck countless times. I wouldn't have been able to walk the length of that 18-wheeler for 7+ hours like we did, carrying heavy loads back and forth without easily tiring and needing several breaks. This is all one missional opportunity that I would've likely missed or sat on the side-lines, very limited in how I was able to help and serve.

I held back tears as I shared my passion for this lifestyle God has called me to and remembered that it's not all about "me." To say I've been struggling lately is an understatement. I've had my eyes focused on "me" lately and that self-centeredness has led to nothing but discontent and seemingly unevitable failure. I lost sight of the TOP reason of "Why I Do This," but Memorial Day was a beautiful picture as to "Why!"
I'm in the truck, lifting 24 packs of bottled waters

I do this to actively serve and glorify JESUS, my King!



QUOTED TEXT FROM GOSPEL RAPPER, LECRAE...

"...1 teach, 2 teach, 3 teach, 4 teach, 5 teach, 6 teach, 7 teach more, this is what we've been commissioned, it's the reason why I write, so that you could hear the truth, not so you can say I’m tight whoa..."

"This is a lifestyle...I don’t do this for the money, I don’t do this for fame, I don’t do this so the industry can know my name, I do this and host to glorify Yeshua the King, if you’re feelin’ me you know you should be doin’ the same let’s go…"

I'm not doing this just for "ME"

Friday, June 3, 2011

HOPE for JOPLIN


Acts 20:35


In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.'"

Thanks to everyone who has helped in some way either with my recent trip to Joplin with my Church and/or assisting through other organizations and ministries.

I’m thankful that we were able to go and offer HOPE to hurting people who I’m confident God can and will heal over time. I’m thankful that not just my Church, but the entire Kansas City community pulled together to help our efforts. This trip wouldn’t have been possible without the community. Two news stations covered the effort which increased awareness. A local rental van company donated a cargo truck to us and mentioned to our pastor as they picked it up that numerous Churches in the area have called with requests and they just can’t do it and my Pastor mentioned, “You do know that we are a Church right?” But for whatever reason, they donated the truck to be sent, that is so amazing! Over $4500 was donated in cash contributions in addition to a LARGE moving truck and one cargo van full of baby products, water, hygiene products, flashlights, food, dog food, toys, etc. I know this trip was a HUGE blessing to those who will benefit as well as all who were able to give and help if even in a small way.
I’m so thankful that I was able to go along on this trip to Joplin on Memorial Day along with over 30 others. Ths trip made and impact and left an impression on our hearts and I know that it helped the people affected by the devastation in Joplin. The best way I can sum up our trip is “successful.” We went to serve and serve is what we did.

When we got there, you have to register and they send you where they see fit. We first unloaded our two truckloads at Ignite Church which is overseeing a lot of the relief efforts along with Convoy of Hope. The Church has completely destroyed their parking lot and removed everything that made them your typical “local Church,” in order to actively work and serve the community and I loved seeing that. What used to be a Sunday school room is now filled floor to ceiling with diapers. The entire back of the Church has become a storage area full of toilet paper, paper towels and dog food. What was a sanctuary is now a food pantry and they’ve driven huge metal stakes in the parking lot (literally ruining it, it’ll have to be redone when this concludes), in order to set up tents where they’re serving free meals, providing needed items to families and medical assistance. That really, really said a lot to me.

After unloading the items we brought, (and me getting a tetanus shot that I later found out I didn’t really need – I only add this because if you know me well, you know that I am TERRIFIED of needles…but I did it J), we were sent offsite in a neighboring city where we unloaded, sorted and reloaded 3 semis jam packed with stuff…I never realized how large a semi was until walking the length of one, inside the truck, repetitively, for hours with loads of items in my arms.

By the end of the day, we were all tired and exhausted but everyone responded in almost the same way, “I’m tired, but in a good way.” The dread is taken out of work when you know you are SERVING with a purpose, it becomes hard work that is well worth it. Our 1 day trip is nothing compared to what will be required over the next months to even years to rebuild and help those in Joplin, Mo. We worked non-stop for nearly 7 hours sorting donated items and organizing things and that’s 7 of who knows how many more.

It was easy to just consider it a normal work/serve day and forget what we were really there doing and whom we were actually helping until we drove through the devastation site before leaving. The best I can describe it is unreal! After spending all day in an area completely unaffected, it was easy to think that things just aren’t as bad as they were portrayed on the news until we drove through to witness the most unreal thing I’ve ever seen. In the car I was in, we all said almost simultaneously, “OH MY GOODNESS!” Then there was just a hush! It just seems unreal to grasp and really wrap your mind around.

Can you imagine, we live in the Midwest, tornado alley, where we are used to hearing tornado sirens regularly throughout this season. I was telling a friend that we’ve grown so used to it that it almost feels like the boy crying wolf. We hear sirens and don’t pay it much attention and honestly, as a Kansan, most of our initial responses are to either 1. Go outside to look, or 2. Get in the car to find the severe weather. We don’t take these things nearly as seriously as they are. So imagine them doing like most of us are used to doing, going to their basements half-heartedly and not really expecting much to come from it. In a matter of minutes, lives are lost, livelihoods are forever changed and nothing is the same. These people crawled up from their basements, through rubble, to find nothing left but destruction and likely images that will forever be embedded in their minds. Horrific sights. I cannot imagine.

Keep the people of Joplin and those who’ve lost loved ones in Joplin in your hearts. If you are able, I encourage you to help however you see fit. Easily, this could’ve been or could be us.

Loading a truck with donated items at Church

Unloading items in an assembly line at Ignite Church in Joplin

Our group from Lifepointe Church that went to Joplin, MO for tornado recovery work - Memorial Day 2011
Just one image of the devastation caused by the deadly Ef-5 tornado that struck Joplin, Mo on May 22, 2011