Affirmations...I HAVE changed!

When you look into the mirror, what do you see?

I'll be honest, for me it's been hard to not see "FAILURE" for quite some time. I see a double chill reappearing that had disappeared for quite some time. I try to button pants that don't fit anymore and put shirts on that fit much more snug that I'm comfortable going out in public in. I see me without clothes on. I see the stretch marks, cellulite and everything that disgusts me. I strategically plan what to wear that will best "disguise" my physical shame. Beyond the image that reflects back at me, I full FEEL every emotion that floods my thoughts when I see "me." Worse than the outward appearance that I'm struggling with is the inner FEELING of utter disappointment. It quickly overshadows any success I may have had in the past and distorts my perception of my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual strength!

But yesterday, yesterday I was met with an affirmation that helped rearrange my thoughts once again.

"BTW...u look fantastic"

That quote above is part of a post I received on my facebook wall. Seems simple enough, right? What's a generic compliment from an old friend anyway? To better understand you must see the angle from which this friends point of view comes. She found and added me on facebook and we haven't talked and/or seen each other since 2009, the same year in which I took my first steps towards losing weight and getting healthier. This friend knew me at my heaviest, but never was around to see me at my smallest. To this friend, she saw "Mesha," but smaller than the one she once knew. To this friend, I DO look fantastic compared to the one she saw regularly years before.

I NEEDED THAT!

That little comment meant so much to me! Even though at this point in time I do not always FEEL fantastic, I HAVE changed! No, I'm not where I once was when I'd reached my lowest weight that I've known in my adult life, BUT, I am not where I started either! I HAVE changed. I CAN continue to change.

As much as it 'feels' like all is lost at times and my hard work was in vain, I'm still not back up to the weight that I began at, I'm actually still 50 pounds less than my beginning weight AND (some people may need to hear this), but even if I had regressed all the way back to my starting weight or beyond, the fact that I did it once shows that I AM strong and can do it again if I am determined to make it happen. The fact that I am even writing this today is something to be considered. The fact that I even still care is a testament of something. THERE IS HOPE!

I WILL change!

**For an old post I wrote on relativity, SEE HERE! Sometimes we all need to be reminded of the "relative" concept.

REFLECTION:

James 1:2-4; 12

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

--

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trials, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.