The journey...

Life is in the journey, not the destination, so do what you can and take it one day at a time. Go slow, do it right, and make your changes permanent — then help out others who are where you were.

~Jillian Michaels

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Saturday, October 31, 2009

Face the facts...

Let's go back to the basics of math for a moment. If you have 1 + 1 we all know it equals 2. It's a simple equation that can't have any other possible result. When it comes to weight loss we know the variables are calories in, calories out. The scale can give a false reading because of various factors such as water retention, but for true weight loss/gain the basic equation is (calories in - calories out). We are always working towards a deficit if you are trying to LOSE weight.

These past 2 1/2 weeks I've had FAR more on my calories IN side than my calories OUT side. I say all the time to those who ask for advice that the hardest part of weight loss is the MENTAL/EMOTIONAL side of it and I'm gonna be honest, I feel like I've been on an emotional roller coaster lately and there is no ride-operator available to stop it...BUT WAIT...I'm the ride op! Weight loss is like a teeter-totter and you are daily striving for that balance emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. I've let circumstances not caused by me wear on my heart and my mind to the point of almost torment.

So here's the deal...I've made HORRIBLE food choices for two weeks straight now and to no surprise, I'm paying with HORRIBLE weigh in results. I avoided the scale for 1 1/2 weeks because I didn't want to FACE THE FACTS. I've told myself that I didn't want to EVER see myself under that 100 pounds lost mark once I reached it and I felt like my worst fear has been coming true. I'm a firm believer in you REAP what you SOW. The reaping isn't always an immediate reaction...but the reaping happens. I'm paying on the scale for the poor sowing in my body. Poor food choices, lack of exercise, neglecting my vitamins and thyroid medicine. AY!

...NOW it's time for some accountability folks. I've been 8 months into this journey now and I've managed concealing my weight on this blog. For all of my faithful blog readers I have nothing to be secretive about any longer though, you've all served as a great source of encouragement, love and support.

TODAY is the day of revealing, a day of transparency and brutal honesty with all of YOU. If I KNOW that I'm determined to see this through the long haul why should I hesitate in laying myself bare?

I started February 2nd at 342.2 pounds and hit my lowest weight 2 weeks ago at 235.9 pounds. Since then I've gained 5 pounds over the past 2 weeks and am now at 240.9 pounds. My ultimate goal is 140-145 pounds. The only reason I am "airing my dirty laundry" on my blog is for accountability. My friends, family, blog readers, FB've known where I've been and where I am know where I want to be. It's easy to see the ones you love everyday and in the back of your minds "know" they could afford to lose a little weight without knowing the true state of their being. You look at your loved ones in a different light and do not see the state they may be in physically, mentally or emotionally. You mark my last dollar, if you were to ask my closest friends, they would've had NO CLUE I was nearly 350 pounds (and probably heavier at some points). In their minds they loved me the same and my weight didn't matter...which PRAISE GOD for people who don't judge you for your weight...BUT...I was in a seriously BAD state of health that was daily getting worse and let's face it, I STILL am at a bad state of health, I'm just choosing to make it better.

I'm obese.

I'm unhealthy.

I'm out to make a lifestyle change.

I'm ready to start SOWING in a way that REAPS beautifully.

Galatians 6:7-8

"...for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. 8 For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life."


Anonymous said...


Can I just say that what made MORE of an impact on reading this blog today (as if that's POSSIBLE) was the fact that "Love Is Here" played the entire way through. I got tears in my eyes! THIS is why I am so blessed to have you in my life! Your blogs make me feel so HAPPY and al though you yourself are going through this right now, your BLOGS inspire OTHERS to daily seek God's love and Word and ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I am going to tear up AGAIN!!!

I am so proud of you for turning your outlook around, and I am so HAPPY to go through this journey alongside you, one of my very best friends. I love you!!!

Josh said...

Girl.. you are amazing! You keep on going!

by...K@ Ashcroft said...

Mesha, I LOVED your comment on Kristin's blog and then came here and read this beautiful post. I have sooo much respect for you. You are AMAZING and wonderful and so very worth it. The journey may be a long, very hard and maybe even slow one, but you are DOING it. Thank you for that and being willing to share that with all of us.

by...K@ Ashcroft said...

On a side note, can I add you to my losing weigh blog? I have quite a few ladies that read mine that could really use your inspiration.

I wont do anything until I hear from you but I would love to. thanks!

Shauna said...

even though you have abandoned me in the, I guess I just have to keep you on track via blog. Get your butt back on track. I love you and I am so proud of you. Make sure that the things you put your heart and energy toward in life are those that pick you up and make you a better person. Things that fill your cup, not take your last drop. Love Shauna

Magic Brush said...

Love your transparency.....
Get back on the horse girl!
I'm trying as well...

Deanna - The Unnatural Mother said...

I get it, I really really do. I have to say that I feel your honesty is so refreshing. When you stumble and fall, you get back up right? So let's do teh same, 'cause girl, I stumbled pretty bad last week and I need to get back up. We can do it! Keep the faith, and keep on keeping on...

S said...

Was it the full moon or what?? I've been an utter mess in every way imaginable lately as well!!!!!
Yesterday I couldn't do anything without crying.
I appreciate your honesty. I haven't been able to put my mess into words lately.
Let's do coffee soon.
Love you!

Cindy Marsch said...

Mesha, "S" sent me here through her own blog, and it's quite an inspiration to read this post today. I'm not ready to be quite as transparent, but I think the occasion of your losing 100 pounds is just the right time to do so, even in the midst of a current struggle! May the Lord continue to richly bless your faithfulness.

See my blog at