These past 2 1/2 weeks I've had FAR more on my calories IN side than my calories OUT side. I say all the time to those who ask for advice that the hardest part of weight loss is the MENTAL/EMOTIONAL side of it and I'm gonna be honest, I feel like I've been on an emotional roller coaster lately and there is no ride-operator available to stop it...BUT WAIT...I'm the ride op! Weight loss is like a teeter-totter and you are daily striving for that balance emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. I've let circumstances not caused by me wear on my heart and my mind to the point of almost torment.
So here's the deal...I've made HORRIBLE food choices for two weeks straight now and to no surprise, I'm paying with HORRIBLE weigh in results. I avoided the scale for 1 1/2 weeks because I didn't want to FACE THE FACTS. I've told myself that I didn't want to EVER see myself under that 100 pounds lost mark once I reached it and I felt like my worst fear has been coming true. I'm a firm believer in you REAP what you SOW. The reaping isn't always an immediate reaction...but the reaping happens. I'm paying on the scale for the poor sowing in my body. Poor food choices, lack of exercise, neglecting my vitamins and thyroid medicine. AY!
...NOW it's time for some accountability folks. I've been 8 months into this journey now and I've managed concealing my weight on this blog. For all of my faithful blog readers I have nothing to be secretive about any longer though, you've all served as a great source of encouragement, love and support.
TODAY is the day of revealing, a day of transparency and brutal honesty with all of YOU. If I KNOW that I'm determined to see this through the long haul why should I hesitate in laying myself bare?
I started February 2nd at 342.2 pounds and hit my lowest weight 2 weeks ago at 235.9 pounds. Since then I've gained 5 pounds over the past 2 weeks and am now at 240.9 pounds. My ultimate goal is 140-145 pounds. The only reason I am "airing my dirty laundry" on my blog is for accountability. My friends, family, blog readers, FB friends...you've known where I've been and where I am now....you know where I want to be. It's easy to see the ones you love everyday and in the back of your minds "know" they could afford to lose a little weight without knowing the true state of their being. You look at your loved ones in a different light and do not see the state they may be in physically, mentally or emotionally. You mark my last dollar, if you were to ask my closest friends, they would've had NO CLUE I was nearly 350 pounds (and probably heavier at some points). In their minds they loved me the same and my weight didn't matter...which PRAISE GOD for people who don't judge you for your weight...BUT...I was in a seriously BAD state of health that was daily getting worse and let's face it, I STILL am at a bad state of health, I'm just choosing to make it better.
I'm out to make a lifestyle change.
I'm ready to start SOWING in a way that REAPS beautifully.