The journey...

Life is in the journey, not the destination, so do what you can and take it one day at a time. Go slow, do it right, and make your changes permanent — then help out others who are where you were.

~Jillian Michaels

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Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Emotional Failing

Which direction do YOU choose?
 It's easy to blog about the journey when things are right on track but it's a lot harder to lay it bare when you're struggling.  Over the past 1 1/2 years I've written a few entries such as "Self Evaluation," "A Blog on Failing" and "Forgive Yourself" that were about set-backs.

This past week literally felt like HELL to me and it's easy to find yourself attempting to drown out your sorrows with bad habits.  When everything seems out of your control, it's also interesting to see how we react over the few things in life that we are still able to control.  I jogged my best 3 mile time last week, all of a sudden the usual lack of breath didn't even bother me, something about that jog freed me from the stress surrounding me and helped me gather my thoughts and emotions.  I made my bed every day, sounds silly, but every morning I woke up and made my bed before leaving the house which is not a usual occurrence in the life of "Mesha."  It wasn't until the end of the week that I realized it was one area in my life I was able to organize and by doing that simple task it made me feel accomplished and a little less like a failure.

Emotional Eating
I felt like I had learned enough on this road to where I was beginning to react to negative circumstances with positive response - which I did for the majority of the week, until the weekend hit and it all went out the window.  One 'old friend' that rejoined me this past week was FOOD (and LOTS of it).  Sonic, Peach Wave, Wendy's, Burger King, Chick-fil-a, Taco Bueno, Taco Bell, Long John Silver's, chocolate cake, Back Yard Burgers and Mi Ranchito ALL found their way onto my menu this past WEEKEND. Not even the week - the majority of it was on the WEEKEND! From Friday night until yesterday, I ate more fatty fast food than I've probably had in this past YEAR!  From Thursday until today I gained 7.2 lbs and have been in such an emotional whirlwind that I don't even know myself.

I feel like I watched the last 9 years of my life vanquish over night with the events of this past week and needless to say - it hurt!  The Bible says, "Therefore, there is now NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus," I've learned that to be true in CHRIST, not so much with people though.  Even through the heartbreak, I'm thankful for the events of this past week and know in my heart what I am doing and although others may look at me from the outside in with cold hearts - all that matters is how God looks into the depths of MY heart.  For those who may think contrary, unfortunately they didn't know, love or respect me enough in the first place.  The reality of my situation is that my scars may be a bit uglier than the ones others bare, but Christ is still the healer of them all.

NEW Chapter of my life...
 I am embracing the consequences of my own actions, but that doesn't make it sting any less.  I've been digging into the story of King David a lot (the good, the bad and the ugly) and I'm finding HOPE. I've been clinging more to God's word and His truth than I ever have before and crying out in prayer because even in my lonliness and pain, I am comforted by the reminder that He is the only one who never leaves and never forsakes us.  Even when nearly everyone else you've grown to love and respect decides to throw you out as "no good," ONE still remains - JESUS.

It wasn't something I wanted, but it happens with any good book...I've turned THIS page in my life and I'm onto a NEW CHAPTER.


One of my friends said to me today, "If you fall seven times, make sure you get up eight." It reminded me of the verse I chose for today...

Proverbs 24:16 (NLT)

"The godly may trip seven times, but they will get up again.
But one disaster is enough to overthrow the wicked."

I'm choosing not to let what felt like a DISASTER this past week to overthrow me...I'M GETTING UP!

Ali shared a devotional with me today that Mandi sent her and it really encouraged me in the midst of everything.  It reminded me of the only one who not only wont, but CAN'T fail me.  It reminded me not to be angry, bitter or upset no matter how right or wrong I think things are handled or a picture is portrayed.

“For all the promises of God in Him are Yes, and in Him Amen, to the glory of God through us.” 2 Corinthians 1:20

We all have family and friends who have made promises to us; to help us; to stay with us; to love us; to give us something; or to stand up for us. We believed them because they ‘gave us their word.’ When someone gives you their word, you should be able to trust them. But because we are people, living in these fleshly bodies and living in the world, we sometimes make promises that we can’t keep; sometimes we ‘give our word’ and our promise falls through. But thank God that He is not like us; He is not limited in what He can do.
God gave us His Word, that He would help us; that He would never leave nor forsake us. The Lord gave us His Word that He would protect us and keep us; supply our needs; and comfort us when we hurt. When you begin to doubt that help is coming, you must remind yourself that God gave you His Word and “God is not a man, that He should lie. He is not human, that He should change His mind. Has He ever spoken and failed to act? Has He ever promised and not carried it through?” Number 23:19 NIV

As you face this day and face tomorrow; as trials and tribulations, tests and troubles try to come your way, remind yourself that God gave you His Word that ‘you are more than a conqueror.’ As you are tempted to sin against God, and wonder if you are strong enough to say no, remind yourself that God gave you His Word that ‘you can do all things through Christ which strengthens you.’ The Lord gave you His Word that if you come to Him, He would give you rest; He gave you His Word that if you keep your mind stayed on Him, He would give you perfect peace. He gave you His Word that if you acknowledge Him in all your ways, He would direct your paths. He gave you His Word!!


Jacqui Jo said...

Oh Mesh. I am so sorry for whatever you went through. Honey, you know I feel your pain in every area. I am praying the Lord strengthen you, fill you with His Joy, Peace, Love, and Grace for yourself and for those who may have hurt you. I love you chicorita, and I am immensely proud and amazed at you on this journey. You will be victorious and reading about David will surely bolster you and remind you of God's unfailing Love. He was a man after God's own Heart, and he failed terribly more than once. God is good and you will continue the race. I love you, sweet baby!

Anonymous said...

Be nice to yourself and get rid of the word "failing" in your dialogue with yourself. You are not failing at all - you are living live and there will be moments when you have road bumps.

One weekend is not a failure - it is one little part of your journey. Learn from it and move on and don't beat yourself up anymore!!

Yes, that would be me using my "MOM" voice so you will respect your elders!! :-) Love you!!

Journey2Goal said...

I am so proud of you for putting all your strength in God during this time. We all have bad weekends, weeks, MONTHS for that matter! The point is we learn, and move on. Thankfully we do have a Creator who loves us through it all. You have been on a rewarding but difficult journey, you are bound to have a few bumps along the way. It's just Gods way of teaching you how to overcome the obstacle, continue to lean on Him & He will never let you fail.

Mandi Lou said...

That was awesome Mesha!!! You keep turning bad situations into something to praise God for..He's gonna bless u big time!! The devil wants us to wallow and sink in our "failures" or whatever they are...and while we are wallowing in them...we can't praise God. He said if we won't praise Him, the rocks will!!! What the devil meant for evil, God meant it for good. I love that your praising Him anyhow!!!! Shake the dust off YO feet and get to steppin sister!!! GLORY!!!!!

Becca said...

I haven't read your blogs until today, this was one I needed to read for sure. Anna has been telling me for some time to read them, and I guess it was today that made it pop out. As hard as things are for you, it spoke to me with what all I have going on in my life as well. I guess I am saying thank you for being human! And thank you for the reminders from the Bible about where we should go for strength. Failure is what I feel on a daily thank you for sharing your heart, and sharing your insight.

Jessica Lee said...

Hey hon I love what you said about falling down seven times and getting up eight... God is sooo in control...Sorry you had to go through whatever you went through... Love ya no matter what you're like a sis to me... I thank God for his design and picture...
All things work together for the good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose Romans 8:28. I believe each individual's life is similar to that of a puzzle piece containing a unique picture design ... and some how as the gift of free will enters the picture each form of each piece continues to change shape, yet still the Maker fits each piece together to fulfill his picture and plan...All things truly do work together for the good