The journey...

Life is in the journey, not the destination, so do what you can and take it one day at a time. Go slow, do it right, and make your changes permanent — then help out others who are where you were.

~Jillian Michaels

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Saturday, July 17, 2010

Operation "Sneak Attack"!?!?!

...well, what's a good challenge without a TWIST?

WEIGHT LOSS/GAIN: 203 / -5 lbs
TOTAL:  -19.0 lbs

It's week 4 of the Kansas City Weight Loss Challenge and we were thrown for a loop when we discovered 9 EXTRA faces in the standings.  "Operation Sneak Attack" was underway and apparently 9 out of the 12 eliminated applicants are back and in the runnings.  They were offered the chance to work on their own at home in order to come back in week 4 for the big SURPRISE!!!  Surprise it was when we found out the news.  Tom Van Pelt is a sneak attacker who has lost an outstanding 19.4 lbs "outside" the circle of our top 12 in this challenge and he is by no means out of the runnings now.  He came back and secured 7th place.  This all definitely mixes up the challenge, but hey, I say "the more, the merrier."  It's going to be interesting next week...being our last weigh in before a three week home stretch without weigh in's or interviews.

NOW is when this challenge is going to start to get reeeaaaaallllly interesting.  Chris Wilson is still holding strong with a solid 1st place position and I jumped from 4th to 2nd place this week with a blind 5 lb loss.  I say "blind" because this week I took a break from the scale and said, "Stick to the plan, be disciplined and give it all in my workouts and it'll pay off."  You don't need to monitor the scale every day if you know in your heart you're doing what needs to be done to see results.  The scale can oftentimes be the biggest cause of mental battles which lead to obsessiveness or even self-sabotaging.  Over the past year and a half of weight loss I've personally blown it several times; Sometimes because I felt that I was on track and therefore owed myself some "grace" to slack off and I've also blown it because I felt like the scale wasn't moving fast enough so might as well eat bad for the same results!  Either extreme is unhealthy and unbalanced.  That's why I've learned that sometimes it's good to just walk away and just let your healthy lifestyle happy.  That scale isn't a barometer of how we should feel - it doesn't always reflect our efforts.  If you are living healthy, be happy.

As far as next week goes, I have a personal goal in mind that far surpasses any competition goal.  I want to be under 200 lbs by July 20th - my 25th birthday!  To be under 200 pounds is almost unreal to me.  Seeing that first digit change from the "3's" to the "2's" was a great day for me but to see the first digit change TWICE and go to a "1" makes me emotional.  Being under 200 lbs is something I don't believe I've seen since I first entered junior high school.  I can honestly say that I am more active, more fit and healthier than I've probably been in my entire life at this very moment.  I feel more confident, secure and full of life than I ever have before and I'm finding ME.  Although I've still got a ways to go, I'm not hiding behind 200 pounds of extra fat any longer.  I'm not just the one with a "cute face & pretty smile" which is what fat girls often get as a default compliment.  I'm a happy, single, CHRISTIAN young lady who is finding herself and learning that I have so much to offer and a lot to love.  I am no longer living through the lives of my friends; sitting on the sidelines happy for them as they meet there "until death do us parts" but internally broken out of self pity and shame.  I don't have to exclude myself from events in fears of my weight becoming an issue or it drawing unwanted attention.  I'm done backing away from ministry opportunities because I'm ashamed of being judged for my weight - an outward sign of an inward struggle.  So many try to hide their weaknesses in life but when you're obese, you can wear cute clothes and have a fun personality but there are only so many ways of trying to "mask" this obvious issue.  I'm done selling myself short and feeling as though I deserve LESS than God's best for me because I'm not worthy of more...I don't have to settle!

I LOVE ME!  I don't say that with boastful arrogant pride.  There are still so many things that I'm dealing with in life and God's constantly working on fixing within me - but I don't feel unworthy and unloveable anymore.  I can honestly say that I LOVE ME, Demesha Rachelle Wright, both inside and outI don't have to dread coming home and facing the reality of myself.  I can confidently look in the mirror and smile a smile that says I'm happy and PROUD of me.  Imperfect, yet changing me.  Broken, yet healing me.  Living and learning ME.

I used to say this all the time and I think it's time to say it again:

"I'm losing weight but I'm reGAINing LIFE!"


Galatians 2:20

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.


Shauna said...

This made me cry...this has been my prayer for you for a long time. Great job girlie! Keep up the great work. I am your biggest fan.

Shiloh said...

Hey baby cakes! Yes, an emotional post. I am so happy for you to find you. You have hit the nail on the head for many others I am sure, and it's not just those that need to lose triple digits that stay back from things because of the weight struggle. Thank you for sharing your heart!