The journey...

Life is in the journey, not the destination, so do what you can and take it one day at a time. Go slow, do it right, and make your changes permanent — then help out others who are where you were.

~Jillian Michaels

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Monday, September 7, 2009

Life Support


Hey everyone ~

I haven't been faithful in blogging lately, there has been SO MUCH going on in my life. To keep things brief - the past 3 weeks I've been learning A LOT about "balance." I feel like I've been torn in 1000 directions as my weight loss continues I'm daily being asked for tips & advice, help, etc. I LOVE that aspect of helping other people - that is something I would ultimately love to do is help others who are determined to lose weight and lose it the healthy way. At this point though I've neglected SO much by placing everyone else before my own needs. Sleeping had become almost non-existent, I went over 800 minutes on my phone plan and my email inbox has never received so many messages. It's truly been an exciting experience - yet at the same time it's been an incredibly stressful one not knowing how to properly juggle life. I've been literally at a stand-still the past month due to stress and I'm only 1 lb less than when I ended my competition on August 5th. Monday I had a breaking point and was found curled up in my bed in tears talking to a dear friend of mine. In that moment of vulnerability I learned that as much as I want to help everyone else, ultimately they've GOT to make these decisions for themselves. I can't be a source of "life support" to the wonderful people I've met and had the privilege of encouraging over these past 8 months. If I continue, this new "lifestyle" will not be sustainable to them once I back away. I'm sure you've all known someone who does something or acts a certain way JUST because they heard or saw someone else doing it? Typically that type of action isn't sustainable and only lasts for a period of time because it isn't REAL to them. Anytime we allow someone else to follow us without it really being in their own hearts yet - we are setting them up for failure. I've had to learn how to run, leap, jump and when I fall down - get back up...and I had to learn it on my own.

As I'm sitting here typing this I can't help but think about conviction. One definition for conviction is: the state of being convinced. In order for you to truly live in a certain way - you've GOT to be convinced that it is right, that it works, that it's truth, that it's possible! The testimony of another is always great - but nothing is proved more real than personal experience. At times in life we just have to step back in order for someone to have their own experience and personally grow.

Come on guys - let's grow!

In faith. In love. In hope. In LIFE.

Music has been something that has taken my hand and walked me through so many of my emotions lately. I literally listen to songs on repeat and draw near to God as I'm crying out in prayer. Like I mentioned above, finding a balance in life has been incredibly difficult lately and I've been struggling in so many areas. The song I poured my heart out to in the car the other night goes like this:

Album: My Paper Heart
Artist: Francesca Battistelli

You may think
I’m just fine
How could anything
Ever be out of line?

I take my time
To set the stage
To make sure everything
Is all in place

Even though I’ve got the lines rehearsed
A picture only paints a thousand words

(Chorus)
Things aren’t always what they seem
You’re only seeing part of me
There’s more than you could ever know
Behind the scenes
I’m incomplete and I’m undone
But I suppose like everyone
There’s so much more that’s going on
Behind the scenes


Sometimes I can’t see
Anything
Through the dark
Surrounding me
And at times I’m unsure
About the ground
Beneath my feet
If it’s safe and sound

When it’s hard to find hope in the unseen
I have peace in knowing it will find me

Verse of the Day:

Matthew 6:6
But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

6 comments:

NOTWBTRFLY said...

Praying you find the balance you seek... having that is so important, and so easy to loose. You have been a great inspiration to me and hope you find the courage to make yourself, your health, number one. That is something I myself am always struggling with. *HUGS*

ValleyGirl said...

It's so wonderful to serve others and, of course, it's what all Christians are called to do, but you're so right ~ there has to be balance. We cannot make the right decisions for them, nor can we keep them on the right paths by sheer will-power or force. I pray you'll find the balance that puts you in the sweet spot, right in between, doing what you were meant to do!

S said...

I pray that God will be the filter of everything you think and say and do. As long as you are following HIS lead and call on your life, it will be balanced--you will feel whole! I've been doing a bible study for the last few months with some women from church on BALANCED LIVING and that God's way of balance is entirely different than what society tells us.
The Bible mentioned "balances" or "scales" 18 times. If we want to be balanced, what is our gauge? What are you weighing your life against to check it's equilibrium?
We should all seek to find true and honest scales. Proverbs 16:11 says, "Honest scales and balances are from the LORD; all the weights in the bag are of his making."
I pray that you keep Jesus as your center and find stability and steadiness. Thank you for sharing your heart! I am so glad to get to know you!

Kristen said...

*hugs* & praying for you. Definitely take time for yourself.

Deanna - The Unnatural Mother said...

very powerful, I do agree with you. Hang tight!

Audrey said...

I know I'm super late on reading this post but you said a couple things that popped out at me. One, I'll save just for us... but the other is
"Anytime we allow someone else to follow us without it really being in their own hearts yet - we are setting them up for failure."

Do you realize Jesus does this with us? You notice when we start just to do the christian motions ,(i.e. church, bible reading, weekly meetings, tithe, ect.) we don't really sense the Holy Spirit? When our heart starts to stray from Christ He longs for us to come back so eventually he takes His presence so we , once again, will begin to long and hunger after the courts of the Lord. He doesn't want us to fail. The word says "Draw near to me and I'll draw near to you."
Are we following Him and our hearts aren't in it?