"Head, shoulders, knees and toes!"

Head, shoulders, knees and toes
Knees and toes

Eyes and ears and mouth and nose

Head, shoulders, KNEES AND TOES!!!

A couple weeks back I went to visit a friend in St. Louis and got to play volleyball with the young adults group at her Church. Anyone who knows me, knows that volleyball is my favorite sport to play and I jump at almost any opportunity to join a game.

I was having some problems with my shoulder that night, so I was attentive to not hitting the ball to aggressively and went for a simple set in which I jammed my right thumb! OUCH! This made playing quite difficult seeing as how I couldn't do much overhanded and now even underhand hits caused a considerable amount of pain.

We left not long after since I was feeling out of commission and I went to take a shower before bed. I go to unbutton my jeans...OUCH! This one injured thumb was making it quite difficult to do such a simple task - griping my jeans so I could unbutton with my left hand. We won't even begin to talk about how difficult it was to unhook my bra between the shoulder injury and thumb issue! The next morning, all is well until I go to brush my teeth. I'm sure I looked funny holding my toothbrush in the palm of my hand while trying not to apply pressure with my thumb. The day continued and Brittany and I decided to play a game involving cards. Everything is great and now it's my turn to deal, but wait...I can't shuffle! This poor jammed thumb felt so hurt and useless! Throughout the remainder of my weekend, several instances came up where I realized how difficult these everyday tasks were without the use of a thumb. Crazy, right!

Fast forward, last night I was standing with a group of friends in the kitchen, waiting for dinner to be complete and we were discussing my friends elbow injury. She mentioned how washing her hair, driving the car, cooking, all these every day tasks had become either extremely difficult and/or impossible for the time being. I said, "Yea, it's crazy how such a small member of our body can be injured, yet it affects so much of our functionality." As the words were leaving my mouth, I instantly thought of 1 Corinthians 12:15-26:

"Now if the foot should say, "Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. And if the ear should say, "Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body.
The eye cannot say to the hand, "I don't need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, "I don't need you!" On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it."

This verse rang more true than ever with this realization last night, "If one part suffers, every part suffers with it;" This proved right with my thumb and likewise, it was true of my friends elbow. We were unable to accomplish things as efficiently without them - the rest of our body suffered due to the injury of these small, yet meaningful members of our bodies.

Simple enough right, anyone who has ever stubbed a toe, broken a bone, fractured something or even got sick understands this full well. God was not just giving us some anatomy lesson in these verses though, he was giving an illustration that shows how it is with us and the rest of the Church. When one person is hurt, we all suffer. When one member is honored, we should share in the rejoicing! How often do we consider this truth though? Regardless of us seemingly "feeling" it's impact - it's reality. The Church is not the same without the members of the body carrying out their functions.

YOU are valuable to the body of Christ and YOU have a purpose to fulfill as a part of it! Same for me. Our purposes may be different, but we need each other.

Do you look at your brother or sister in Christ and consider their worth? Their value? The fact that without them, the Church is missing something that she needs? Do we see them as a vital member and as such, they should be cared for, respected and mended when broken? When we see some led astray by the things of this world and desires of their flesh, do we even notice the loss of a limb? Do our hearts break? Let's take this one step further - in our Churches, do we neglect the poor, the single mother's the disabled, the widows? It says in these verses, "On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor." Do we find ourselves esteeming those who benefit us most, but overlooking the ones who may not seem to have much to offer in return? These members are precious!

This convicts me!

I've been guilty of overlooking the thumbs and elbows. It's easy for me to consider the head, but what about the shoulders, knees and toes? We neglect the joints until they become sore and weak and realize that the leg without a knee can't run. The arm without an elbow cannot bend to move food that you've scooped up using your wrist to bend your hand to your spoon that is griped by your fingers that were curled by your knuckles and then lifted by your muscles to your mouth. Which then needs your teeth, your tongue, your throat (which is made up of four parts alone), your stomach, intestines and the list goes on just to move it through the body and be digested and the nutrients absorbed by the cells...you get the point! Each part of our bodies is valuable - as is true with each member of the Church.

My prayer is that with every stubbed toe, jammed finger or broken bone I have or hear of someone having - I'm reminded of the body and how each member is precious!

GREAT article about weight loss!!

Whew! It's dusty around these parts! I haven't posted in awhile, (more than awhile), but I thought this article was worth sharing:

http://shine.yahoo.com/healthy-living/losing-180-pounds-really-does-body-8212-160-163900419.html

I don't have much to say beyond this, because I think it says a lot!

What I will say though is, "I get it." I didn't have weight loss surgery, but my sister did, a cousin did and two friends did...they can attest to this being true.

I did however lose 160#'s without surgery and when I weighed in at 179, I was not happy because..."I still had so far to go." I never got to fully enjoy what I had done in that new body, because instead of seeing where I had come from, all I could see is where I still had to go and though my body outwardly "appeared" different, I had the same mind. I was confused in my own skin and STILL not happy. I look back now and wish I would have fully embraced "179# me" and together we could have made great things happen. But the truth is, the mind is where the battle lies. Not the weight.

For those of you out there on this journey with me, DON'T GIVE UP, it's worth it, but it's not easy. It's not just weight. Don't fall victim of the thought that losing the "weight" is what will make you happy and complete in life.

Email from a friend: Prayer WORKS! Even for weight loss!

So after returning from vacation, I received an email from a dear friend of mine, Cassy!

This encouraged and blessed my heart so much that I wanted to share it here for the blog world!

I hope it challenges and encourages you as it did me.

READ BELOW:

From: Cassy *******
Sent: Friday, September 28, 2012 9:57 AM
To: Demesha R. Wright
Subject: prayer...and weight-loss

So yesterday I was so tired of the crappy music on the radio so I turned way down the dial and got some Christian talk radio station.  They were talking about addictions and how God can save us from them…and ourselves.  At first I was like “I am not addicted to drugs or sex or alcohol” and I was about to turn it, and they said “it can also help women who are addicted to food”. 

Ears perked up, I was listening.

I usually pray to bless my food…but not all of it.  I mean, I don’t ask for my snickers bar to be blessed.  But meals, real meals…I always say, “Our Dearest Heavenly Father, I am thankful for the food that is before me.  I pray that you will bless it to strengthen my body.  In the name of Jesus Christ, AMEN!”

This radio show says that I should pray before any food.  Before the candy bar, before a piece of gum, before fried chicken.  Why would we ask God to bless something that is not good for our bodies?  My body is a temple right?  When I think about a temple, I think about something that is clean, and glorious, and shining, and full of beautiful, yet simple, things, surrounded by blooming flowers and green grass, where I feel peace.  I treat my temple like a slum.  I don’t want that crud in my temple anymore.  So now, starting last night, before I eat ANYTHING I pray and darn it, it works.  I listen for the spirit to speak to me…why should I expect that God is going to bless a Deluxe Big Breakfast from McDonald's to strengthen my body?  That’s what I wanted for breakfast…but I drove past 4 McDonald's on my commute, drawing from faith to fight that craving and rationality…and came to the county café here and got an omelet, simply cooked, with veggies.  and I said my prayer and added that He would give my belly and mind the ability to know it was enough.

I ate my 2 egg omelet with veggies and that was 2.5 hours ago and I still feel…full. 

I have to answer to God NOW about my food.  I don’t’ want to stand at the beginning of eternity and have him ask me why I didn't come to Him for help in the area where I needed it the most. 

Last night, I stayed up too late…searching the scriptures for inspiration and quotes to get me through the days ahead, however many I have left here…and I found some great ones.  I wrote them down on a post-it and stuck in my bible so that I could know right away exactly where I need to go when I need the most help.

--------

THANKS FOR SHARING YOUR REFLECTIONS, CASSY! :)

Affirmations...I HAVE changed!

When you look into the mirror, what do you see?

I'll be honest, for me it's been hard to not see "FAILURE" for quite some time. I see a double chill reappearing that had disappeared for quite some time. I try to button pants that don't fit anymore and put shirts on that fit much more snug that I'm comfortable going out in public in. I see me without clothes on. I see the stretch marks, cellulite and everything that disgusts me. I strategically plan what to wear that will best "disguise" my physical shame. Beyond the image that reflects back at me, I full FEEL every emotion that floods my thoughts when I see "me." Worse than the outward appearance that I'm struggling with is the inner FEELING of utter disappointment. It quickly overshadows any success I may have had in the past and distorts my perception of my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual strength!

But yesterday, yesterday I was met with an affirmation that helped rearrange my thoughts once again.

"BTW...u look fantastic"

That quote above is part of a post I received on my facebook wall. Seems simple enough, right? What's a generic compliment from an old friend anyway? To better understand you must see the angle from which this friends point of view comes. She found and added me on facebook and we haven't talked and/or seen each other since 2009, the same year in which I took my first steps towards losing weight and getting healthier. This friend knew me at my heaviest, but never was around to see me at my smallest. To this friend, she saw "Mesha," but smaller than the one she once knew. To this friend, I DO look fantastic compared to the one she saw regularly years before.

I NEEDED THAT!

That little comment meant so much to me! Even though at this point in time I do not always FEEL fantastic, I HAVE changed! No, I'm not where I once was when I'd reached my lowest weight that I've known in my adult life, BUT, I am not where I started either! I HAVE changed. I CAN continue to change.

As much as it 'feels' like all is lost at times and my hard work was in vain, I'm still not back up to the weight that I began at, I'm actually still 50 pounds less than my beginning weight AND (some people may need to hear this), but even if I had regressed all the way back to my starting weight or beyond, the fact that I did it once shows that I AM strong and can do it again if I am determined to make it happen. The fact that I am even writing this today is something to be considered. The fact that I even still care is a testament of something. THERE IS HOPE!

I WILL change!

**For an old post I wrote on relativity, SEE HERE! Sometimes we all need to be reminded of the "relative" concept.

REFLECTION:

James 1:2-4; 12

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

--

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trials, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.

I got me one of THESE...

Not this one...

OR this one...

...and boy do I wish it was this next one...

But, the point is, I loosened up on the pocket and invested in ME, by getting a personal trainer!!!

 For now, I've only paid for 2 months (8 sessions), but here's to ACCOUNTABILITY and STRUCTURE!!!!

"The secret of getting ahead is getting started." - Mark Twain

REFLECTION:

James 2:14-17

FAITH WITHOUT WORKS IS DEAD

"What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, "Go in peace, be warmed and filled," without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? So also, faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead."

We're in this together...

Smiling faces BEFORE Sunday morning workout

@ Liberty Memorial in Kansas City, MO

Sweaty, yet still smiling AFTER morning workout!

(How could you not working out at a place with a view like THAT!)

If you are anything like me, exercising with a group pushes you harder and makes it FUN too!

For an article on why group exercise is effective, CLICK HERE.

REFLECTION:

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!"

Looking ahead...

Philippians 3:13-14

13...But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal forthe prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Stepping up to the plate!

BATTER UP!!!

We can love the game, watch the game and critique the game all day long, but there comes a time when the talking must stop and YOU must step up to the plate for yourself!

What kind of life is lived on the sidelines?

It's time to gear up, leave the dug out, approach the plate, get in your ready position: ALERT, ACTIVE, CONFIDENT, EXPECTING.

Take the greatest swing EVER at YOUR life and knock it out of the park!!!

**In this game though, we don't believe in "strike-outs," just because what you took a shot out didn't get the results you wanted doesn't mean it's over and all is lost...In this game it's not you against the opposing team, it's you against yourself!

#WIN!!!

...dusting things off!

I'm BACK (I hope!)

There are a few things that have fallen by the wayside the past two years:

• Eating SMART
• Staying ACTIVE
• Taking care of me, FIRST!
• BLOGGING!!!

Today I'm so excited and I FEEL a sense of refreshment and renewed vigor to do what once gave me such JOY, peace and love for ME!!!

Ya know, a few years back it felt like my entire life fell apart all at once! A relationship. Church. Faith. Family. Work. Living situation. Finances. Health. Friendships.

Nothing was left unshaken.

As if all at once, the pot of my life tipped over and everything went pouring out leaving me feeling empty, lost, alone and hurting. Deeply, deeply hurting!

At that same time, I happened to be at the BEST physical shape of my life. I had successfully lost 163 lbs and led a very active lifestyle. When my slap of reality hit and the earth around me seemed to shake, damaging nearly everything that meant anything to me, my attention and care for physical health and wellness was the first thing to go to the wayside. Quickly following was my self esteem, positive attitude towards healthy living and encouraging others and confidence that I could continue on with this...

...this state has continued on with a gradual, yet steady decline for 22 months now and TODAY I set it in my mind to stop it dead in its tracks, just shy of 2 years from the darkest point in my life to date!

Here it is, out in the open, I've managed (without much difficulty) to pack #96 pounds# back onto this body that I at one time "almost" felt comfortable living in and I can't do it anymore! I cannot avoid friends who have continued on with great success anymore. I cannot erase that portion of my life (one of the best), in attempts to act as though it never existed. I cannot deny that "me" that I grew to once love and respect any longer!

I WANT HER BACK!!!

To those of you who have met me AFTER these significant life events, I love you for loving this "me" that you've met who has had trouble even loving herself, but I'm excited and hopeful to introduce you to the "me" I was beginning to find just a short while ago. To those who have been FAITHFUL friends and stuck by me before, during and after - THANK YOU! And to those who have left, chances are life wasn't meant to continue on at this point with you in it, I thank you for the season God gave us!

It's time to get my life back in order, ALL of me!

Emotionally.

Mentally.

Physically.

Spiritually.

I invite you, whoever you are, yes YOU, the one reading this at your computer, on your laptop, smart phone or random tablet device, to strap on your seat belt and go with me on a journey.

I ASK YOU, to help me. I acknowledge, for me it's harder to walk this road alone. Yes, at the end of the day it's just me facing the mirror and I fully recognize that I have to be the one to do this, but I'm not to proud too admit that I need your help too!

Let's get together for workouts. Healthy meal preparations. Random Challenges. Fitness Events.

Feel free to go all Jillian Michael's on me and KICK MY BUTT (Jillian, I know you TOTALLY follow my blog and facebook, so a personal butt kickin' from you is most certainly invited.....What! One can dream)! :-p

Life truly wasn't meant to walk alone, and I'm thankful for those of you walking in stride WITH me!

So there you have it...I'm dusting things off and pulling out the running shoes, fitness bands and RE-utilizing this PUBLIC blog. No more crying in secret!

I'll end this by quoting MYSELF, (I know, right...I'm choosing to remind myself of what I once held so firmly to)

"Love and support has made a world's worth of difference in my weight loss, but  at the end of the day YOU are the only one who can make it happen."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

2 Corinthians 7:1

7 Therefore, since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.

Decision Making Questionnaire

I read this "Decision Making Questionnaire" the other day that isn't really written for "food addiction," but when I saw it I thought of how relative it is for anyone with an addictive personality, including food addiction. I've not actually written out answers to this questionnaire (yet), but over the past couple days I've found myself mentally going through the questions before making food choices and/or going to particular restaurants. It's been INCREDIBLY helpful because lately it has seemed near impossible for me to not stop at a drive-thru when driving anywhere. CRAP food has become my 'main squeeze' and it's most definity made it impossible to SQUEEZE into any of my jeans. :( I've gone so far backwards on my journey that it's sickening and I'm thankful that I'm conscious and choosing to look at the reality now to get back on track, but it's hard!

I encourage you, check out the questionnaire below and see if you could apply it to your own life (with ANY addiction), I highlighted the question that challenged me MOST in light of my food addiction, WOW!....

----------------------------------

When deciding if you should engage in a particular activity, below are some questions to answer. Be brutally honest as you answer them. Use another sheet of paper to write down your answers. This questionnaire is especially helpful as you develop your boundaries and your definition of sobriety. You may want to provide this checklist to your sponsor so she can ask you these questions as needed.


1. Look at that behavior in light of all your other addictive/destructive behaviors. Is this particular activity similar to those behaviors? How is it similar? How is it different?

2. List all the reasons you think this particular activity is a healthy choice.

3. Will doing this particular activity propel you forward in your sobriety or take you backwards?

4. Will doing this particular activity propel you forward in your relationship with God or take you backwards?

5. If you did this particular activity every day for the next month what would be the result?

a. On your sobriety?
b. On your relationship with God?
c. On your relationship with others?
d. On how you feel about yourself?
e. On your weight loss journey (health, weight, physical ability)? (I added this question)

6. Are you creating a list in your mind of all the reasons it is okay for you to engage in this particular activity? Why do you think you are doing that?

7. Are you feeling any anxiety/guilt/shame as you think about doing this particular activity? Why do you think that is?

8. Would those who know you and your struggles consider this particular activity a healthy or unhealthy choice? Why do you think that is?

9. Are you willing to pray sincerely about this particular activity in order to listen to what God is saying and to obey what you hear?


10. Are you willing to present the situation honestly to your sponsor [or someone who knows your struggle] in order to gain their feedback?

11. Once you have made your decision, elaborate on why you choose to do or not do this particular activity.

I hope someone finds this questionnaire useful as I have, it's challenged me.

A letter to myself, from myself...

It's better to "fail"

Let's start with a math 'outlook' equation:

Finishing Dead Last > Not Finishing > Not Starting at All



Warrior Dash KC - July 30, 2011

Sometimes it's REALLY easy to lose perspective and not see the reality in tough workouts, races and challenges.

This weekend, several friends and I completed an AWESOME obstacle course 5k, better known as Warrior Dash! A 5k can be tough enough, now add about 10 obstacles in the middle of it and there you have what we just tackled. I'm talking CRAZY steep hills, tires, hay, balancing wood beams, climbing, cargo nets, river running, fire, mud, mud and more mud!

I was with a diverse group of people from all different levels of athletic ability. For several, this was their first race EVER (crazy choice huh!). Others were runners, several were walkers and some don't really work out at all. We all had ONE common goal though, to finish!

Well, all of us finished except for one who had to be escorted off due to an injury. Personally, I call that a "Badge of Honor." I've had a couple conversations with her since and she seems to be a bit discouraged and frustrated with herself for not being able to finish. That breaks my heart FOR her, because her disappointment is stealing the joy that can be found in the fact that she even started the race!

Ya know, I found myself slightly frustrated in the fact that I may have technically "finished," but I was foolish for attempting it with a heel injury, almost no training and therefore I walked 3/4 of the course, skipped 1 1/2 obstacles and took about 1 hour and 45 minutes to complete this beast! That's not an official time that you exactly find yourself "proud" of or excited to share. I'm thankful for AWESOME friends who trudged through this 'muddy mayhem' with me though, because they continuously reminded me of how awesome it was that I was even out there doing it and that I at least did 1/2 of the obstacle that I backed out of (the other obstacle I would've more than likely got injured further if I attempted it).

Point being...instead of my friend dwelling on "not finishing," or me bumming over "not finishing well," we need a new perspective. I could say I failed since I skipped some of the obstacles, but sometimes strength is knowing your limits too. Both of us are WARRIORS for even starting, that says we believed in ourselves! The fact that I wasn't willing to give up and was determined to finish is MIND over MATTER (and believe me, after slipping & falling about 5 times on the course and being in SEVERE PAIN, I wanted to take a seat on the side of the road and pass out in the piping hot sun). Not everything in life is about how well you finish, but the fact that you even started!

All of this reminded me of something my girl Jillian Michael's says, "If you aren't failing, you aren't trying hard enough." In this misunderstood world of exercise, FAILING at something that you made the effort to TRY can be success!!! Stop the comparisions. Forget the haters. Who cares about the skeptics who say if you can't do "this" in "this," that you're not good enough...as long as YOU pushed to your personal best, then you've won! Not everyone can "win" the race, but life is much more than coming in first place.

If you've ever started a race and seemingly "failed," whether that be because you were injured and had to quit, you were escorted off because of time or you finished with what you consider to be a "bad time," in my opinion YOU are strong because you went out and did it!

MAKE.IT.HAPPEN!

Warrior Dash KC

DONE!

OFF TOPIC: Masculinity at the foot of the cross

"Following Jesus doesn't always  feel natural to me...but isn't that the point?"

I read one of the BEST most REAL blog posts on Rachel Held Evans blog about what the Church has deemed as "masculinity" and how it's a contrary image than what we've seen in the Bible. Although I haven't read through all of her blog and don't know enough about her to know if I stand for all she represents and writes about, I really did love this post!

Masculinity and identity as a man is VERY much needed in our society today as well as in the Church, however, what is masculinity really? Is it big muscles, ability to hold your own in a fight and not crying? Absolutely NOT! So why is it so hard for men to acknowledge being in love with a MAN - JESUS! Why is it so hard for men to display their emotions through tears and most soft-hearted, compassionate, emotionally sensitive and fair tempered men are considered "sissy's" or oftentimes much worse terms?

I say give me the soft-hearted, emotionally inclined, compassionate, gentle man in LOVE with Jesus over the buff hunk who shows no sign of pain or weakness any day! Just my thoughts!

Blogpost from Rachel Held Evans:

“For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing,
but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.” – I Corinthians 1:18

The disciples never liked the idea of the cross.

Peter, a former zealot, especially hated the suggestion that Jesus would suffer at the hands of the Roman Empire and the Jewish religious leaders Peter so detested.

When Jesus predicted his impending suffering, Peter rebuked him, saying “God forbid it, Lord! This shall never happen to you.” Jesus responded by telling his disciples, “If anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.”

Still convinced that Jesus would lead some kind of political uprising, the disciples argued amongst themselves about who would reign beside him when he became king. Time and again Jesus reminded the disciples that his kingdom belonged not to the powerful or the violent, but to the gentle, the peacemakers, and the least of these.

But Peter fought against this idea until the bitter end.

When Jesus was arrested in Gethsemane, Peter took a sword and began fighting Jesus’ enemies, even cutting a guy’s ear off. But Jesus stopped Peter, and in a truly subversive act, healed his assailant instead. It was at this moment that Matthew reveals “all the disciples left Him and fled,” leaving Jesus to face his execution alone.

They were frightened and embarrassed.

Jesus showed no sign of fighting back, no sign of returning violence for violence, no sign of “acting like a man.”

Peter famously denied even knowing him.

In fact, Scripture reveals that it was the women who rallied around Jesus during his crucifixion, and consequently it would be women who would first witness his resurrection. Because of their faithfulness, they were the first bearers of the good news.

As the Apostle Paul would later write, “the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing.” The cross is counter-intuitive for all people, but it can be especially hard to carry for men whose instincts and culture reinforce the old way of “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.” Traits like gentleness, peacemaking, self-control, and non-violence are considered by our culture to be feminine qualities, not masculine ones, and so it should come as no surprise that the life and message of Jesus can be a turn off to men who consider such a lifestyle foolish.

As we have seen this week, there is even a push among some Christian groups to make the Church more attractive to men by celebrating violence and purging from the church any qualities or people that might be deemed “effeminate.”

But as Jesus tried to explain to his disciples, the cross is not about indulging oneself, but about denying oneself. Rather than conforming Christ to our notions of masculinity, we must conform our notions of masculinity to Christ.

And after the resurrection, the disciples did just that.

According to tradition, Peter would be crucified upside down.

Stephen was stoned.

Paul was imprisoned.

And Phillip not only welcomed the effeminate Ethiopian eunuch into the Church but also baptized him and sent him out to share the gospel with other people.

As Dan has often said to me, “Following Jesus doesn’t always feel natural to me…but isn’t that the point?”

We all have our thorns in the flesh that make us embarrassed by the cross. We all have times when we want so badly to introduce other people to Jesus that we try to downplay the radical nature of his teachings. I am as guilty of this as anyone else, and the fact that I hate to lose an argument makes me identify with Peter more than I care to admit.

But Jesus never promised that following him would be easy. He only promised that it would be worth it.

We are not charged with changing the gospel; we are changed with changing ourselves.
###

So what’s your thorn in the flesh? What instincts and desires do you struggle to let go of in order to take of your cross and follow Jesus?

"Why I Do This..."

This blog could have easily taken on a different title, the other being "My Temple."

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body," (1 Cor. 6:19-20).

On Memorial Day, I'm thankful that I was able to go with my Church to Joplin, MO to help in the tornado relief efforts. It was a very humbling experience that gave confirmation and a bit of perspective once again as to "Why I Do This?"

I don't do this to be a size 2.

I don't do this to gain interest from guys.

I don't do this to look better than other girls.

I don't do this for attention or recognition.

I DO THIS to honor God with EVERY area of my life and that includes honoring Him with this temple.

We can't be careless about how we care for our physical body and yes, our body IS the temple of the Holy Spirit, BUT, I don't believe for a second that we care for our bodies so that God has some "fit body" to dwell in, a size 2 to call home. No, for me, it's ministry. God dwells in cancer-ridden "shells" that are quickly fading the same as He does the marathon runner with less than 5% bodyfat. I don't believe that His main concern is so much in how "equipped" or "perfect" a body is, but rather in how we use it. For me, it's about the ability to GO for him and do things that I was otherwise inhibited to do.

On our car ride home, after a long day of HARD, demanding work, we all talked about our experience and got to know each other on a deeper level in our fellowship and conversations. I'm still fairly new at my Church and haven't established those intimate relationships that I had prior at my Church of 9+ years. When I got to sharing a bit on my reflections from Joplin, I couldn't help but get emotional upon realizing that "THIS" is why I'm determined to fight this fight of faith PHYSICALLY as well as spiritually. "THIS" is why I'm working to transform this temple into one that is fit and active. "THIS" is why I believe God wants to be Lord over every area of our lives, including our physical bodies. In that moment it hit me, two years ago, this was an area of "ministry" that I wouldn't have been able to perform as I did while I was in Joplin. That is an area of ministry I was physically limited in although it was completely in my control to strip away those limitations. I wouldn't have been able to lift my weight to climb in and out of a semi-truck countless times. I wouldn't have been able to walk the length of that 18-wheeler for 7+ hours like we did, carrying heavy loads back and forth without easily tiring and needing several breaks. This is all one missional opportunity that I would've likely missed or sat on the side-lines, very limited in how I was able to help and serve.

I held back tears as I shared my passion for this lifestyle God has called me to and remembered that it's not all about "me." To say I've been struggling lately is an understatement. I've had my eyes focused on "me" lately and that self-centeredness has led to nothing but discontent and seemingly unevitable failure. I lost sight of the TOP reason of "Why I Do This," but Memorial Day was a beautiful picture as to "Why!"

I'm in the truck, lifting 24 packs of bottled waters

I do this to actively serve and glorify JESUS, my King!

QUOTED TEXT FROM GOSPEL RAPPER, LECRAE...

"...1 teach, 2 teach, 3 teach, 4 teach, 5 teach, 6 teach, 7 teach more, this is what we've been commissioned, it's the reason why I write, so that you could hear the truth, not so you can say I’m tight whoa..."

"This is a lifestyle...I don’t do this for the money, I don’t do this for fame, I don’t do this so the industry can know my name, I do this and host to glorify Yeshua the King, if you’re feelin’ me you know you should be doin’ the same let’s go…"

I'm not doing this just for "ME"

HOPE for JOPLIN

Acts 20:35

In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.'"

Thanks to everyone who has helped in some way either with my recent trip to Joplin with my Church and/or assisting through other organizations and ministries.

I’m thankful that we were able to go and offer HOPE to hurting people who I’m confident God can and will heal over time. I’m thankful that not just my Church, but the entire Kansas City community pulled together to help our efforts. This trip wouldn’t have been possible without the community. Two news stations covered the effort which increased awareness. A local rental van company donated a cargo truck to us and mentioned to our pastor as they picked it up that numerous Churches in the area have called with requests and they just can’t do it and my Pastor mentioned, “You do know that we are a Church right?” But for whatever reason, they donated the truck to be sent, that is so amazing! Over $4500 was donated in cash contributions in addition to a LARGE moving truck and one cargo van full of baby products, water, hygiene products, flashlights, food, dog food, toys, etc. I know this trip was a HUGE blessing to those who will benefit as well as all who were able to give and help if even in a small way.
I’m so thankful that I was able to go along on this trip to Joplin on Memorial Day along with over 30 others. Ths trip made and impact and left an impression on our hearts and I know that it helped the people affected by the devastation in Joplin. The best way I can sum up our trip is “successful.” We went to serve and serve is what we did.

When we got there, you have to register and they send you where they see fit. We first unloaded our two truckloads at Ignite Church which is overseeing a lot of the relief efforts along with Convoy of Hope. The Church has completely destroyed their parking lot and removed everything that made them your typical “local Church,” in order to actively work and serve the community and I loved seeing that. What used to be a Sunday school room is now filled floor to ceiling with diapers. The entire back of the Church has become a storage area full of toilet paper, paper towels and dog food. What was a sanctuary is now a food pantry and they’ve driven huge metal stakes in the parking lot (literally ruining it, it’ll have to be redone when this concludes), in order to set up tents where they’re serving free meals, providing needed items to families and medical assistance. That really, really said a lot to me.

After unloading the items we brought, (and me getting a tetanus shot that I later found out I didn’t really need – I only add this because if you know me well, you know that I am TERRIFIED of needles…but I did it J), we were sent offsite in a neighboring city where we unloaded, sorted and reloaded 3 semis jam packed with stuff…I never realized how large a semi was until walking the length of one, inside the truck, repetitively, for hours with loads of items in my arms.

By the end of the day, we were all tired and exhausted but everyone responded in almost the same way, “I’m tired, but in a good way.” The dread is taken out of work when you know you are SERVING with a purpose, it becomes hard work that is well worth it. Our 1 day trip is nothing compared to what will be required over the next months to even years to rebuild and help those in Joplin, Mo. We worked non-stop for nearly 7 hours sorting donated items and organizing things and that’s 7 of who knows how many more.

It was easy to just consider it a normal work/serve day and forget what we were really there doing and whom we were actually helping until we drove through the devastation site before leaving. The best I can describe it is unreal! After spending all day in an area completely unaffected, it was easy to think that things just aren’t as bad as they were portrayed on the news until we drove through to witness the most unreal thing I’ve ever seen. In the car I was in, we all said almost simultaneously, “OH MY GOODNESS!” Then there was just a hush! It just seems unreal to grasp and really wrap your mind around.

Can you imagine, we live in the Midwest, tornado alley, where we are used to hearing tornado sirens regularly throughout this season. I was telling a friend that we’ve grown so used to it that it almost feels like the boy crying wolf. We hear sirens and don’t pay it much attention and honestly, as a Kansan, most of our initial responses are to either 1. Go outside to look, or 2. Get in the car to find the severe weather. We don’t take these things nearly as seriously as they are. So imagine them doing like most of us are used to doing, going to their basements half-heartedly and not really expecting much to come from it. In a matter of minutes, lives are lost, livelihoods are forever changed and nothing is the same. These people crawled up from their basements, through rubble, to find nothing left but destruction and likely images that will forever be embedded in their minds. Horrific sights. I cannot imagine.

Keep the people of Joplin and those who’ve lost loved ones in Joplin in your hearts. If you are able, I encourage you to help however you see fit. Easily, this could’ve been or could be us.


Loading a truck with donated items at Church

Unloading items in an assembly line at Ignite Church in Joplin

Our group from Lifepointe Church that went to Joplin, MO for tornado recovery work - Memorial Day 2011

Just one image of the devastation caused by the deadly Ef-5 tornado that struck Joplin, Mo on May 22, 2011

Back to the Basics

I stepped on the scale today and saw a number staring at me that I NEVER wanted to see again, not even if I were pregnant....

Weigh-in on May 18, 2011

As you can imagine, that was hard truth! The lowest weight recorded for me on this journey is 179...climbing back to 215.4 is depressing! Humiliating! Degrading! Demotivating! DISCOURAGING! (and just about anything else that starts with a negative connotation and ends in "..ing")!


I was talking to my dear friend Val on chat about my weight gain and how hard it is to see that number again, I love what she said to me:

Valerie: so don't get back on the scale today! start at this very moment doing all the things you know you need to do to never see that number again. you know what to do. do it.

"So don't get back on the scale today!" There isn't anything EXTRA-ordinary about that statement, however, it really hit home with how "matter-of-fact" and immediate she said it. Without giving it a second thought she basically said, "Well, stop wallowing over it and DO SOMETHING!" Blunt. Honest. Truth! I'm so thankful for Val, she's a straight shooter and doesn't tickle my ears and pat my back, she ruffles feathers and says what needs to be said when it needs to be said! She most definitely is loving, compassionate and understanding as well, but not at the cost of catering to my pity party.


There is no excuse or reason for my weight gain, the simple truth is I started back into old habits of instant gratification which is lack of self-control! I fell back into the habit of never denying myself anything, "If I want something, I'm going to get it NOW!"


I used to go through this deep, drawn out thought process behind every set-back and weight gain, "Why did I gain weight?" "What's going on emotionally?" "What triggered this set-back?" I was always looking to pinpoint the "cause" that led to the "effect." Although I realize the importance of discovering what's behind our weight (emotionally, spiritually, physically, pshycologically), I'm also seeing the deception in how exaggerated it's become. Every time I gain, someone else on this journey gains or I'm trying to pep talk someone through their gain, it's like we look for this "one thing" to blame. Not that it justifies it, but it somehow puts a sense of "purpose" in the gain when we find something or someone to "blame" for this set-back. I'm gaining because of...XYZ! It's bogus!

We can either let our circumstances control us or we can control our circumstances. Some things really are out of our control: job loss, family trouble, economy, illness. But that's where the Serenity Prayer says it beautifully:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Want to know the difference? I cannot change the fact that a family member is dealing with medical issues or that some people who were once close to us are only in our lives for a season. You cannot change the fact that a loved one just passed away or your husband lost his job. But you can take COURAGE and continue making wise choices for healthy change in your own life rather than slumping into a pit of despair. You CAN change your eating habits, you CAN change your fitness level.


Val and I continued our conversation after the scale comment and we discussed some things that I believe are pretty relevant and noteworthy:

Valerie: i think at some point in our journeys we all got a little bored and wanted to make it more exciting and bigger than it was, so we started doing things like...ahem training for marathons and trying to do cheetah flips (whatever that is) in order to gain more "respect" and in order to be more inspirational to others...aka to get more of an ego boost. maybe i am over generalizing, but i think that's exactly where i started falling apart. i just knocked myself down and started back on the bottom rung where requirements are lower (i.e. you don't have to run 20 miles to be working hard) and started counting calories.

me: "go back and do what you did in the beginning"


Valerie: point is, sometimes greatness is achieved in the most meager of actions. we lost sight of that--at least i did. i quit celebrating the small victories.


me: i agree i totally agree


Valerie: i quit celebrating my new body and my new life and i got lost in the grandeur of it all and lost my way

One conversation I've had a lot lately surrounds the concept of "go back and do what you did in the beginning." In the book of Revelation (Ch. 2), there is a letter written to the Church of Ephesus where they are acknowledged for all these wonderful things they are now doing, "vs 2 I know your deeds, your hard work and your perserverance." but then they are rebuked because in doing all that, they lost sight of their "first love." They are admonished with the statement, "vs 4-5 Yet I hold this against you: You have foresaken the love you had at first. Repent and do the things you did at first."


I feel the same rebuke on my journey. REPENT! Or more appropriately, "STOP and CHANGE! Do what you did at first." The name of this blog is "Potter's Clay." I set down this road with a goal of glorifying God with my physical health as well as allowing him to mold me inside and out. In addition, I set out to start taking care of myself and loving "me" because how can I love others if I can't even love and care for myself? Third, I simply did what I knew to lose weight and was successful as well as loved doing it. Nothing extravagent. I was mindful of my eating habits and ate in moderation. I began living an active life and exercising, nothing extreme. I ENJOYED every day of the journey, good and bad. I loved learning more of who I am, how God sees me and saw others in a new loving and compassionate way as well. Of course, I never liked to see a gain on the scale, but I didn't let that stop me from living and learning and I just kept going. There weren't any of these binge periods followed by extreme food monitoring and insane workouts to offset the damage done. I've learned that when I go to the extreme it's great for awhile, but it's inevitably followed with EXTREME backtracking.


There isn't anything wrong with goals, I've loved goal setting along the way, but I lost sight of taking joy in the small things. My celebrations used to be over fitting in restaurant booths or keeping up with friends at the mall without losing my breath. I love going out with girlfriends now and actually "feeling" like a lady in cute clothes rather than men's XXL T-Shirts. My eyes would well with tears over the simpliest things and the small victories were enough to continually encourage me to keep moving. Now I've lost sight of the little everyday things my friends used to take for granted and I've found myself guilty of the same. Instead of remembering that I couldn't shop at a normal store before or fit on rides at the amusement park, I find myself constantly needing to run this race or 'compete' against that persons journey. It reminds me of a blog I wrote a few months back called "Robotic Weight Loss." It's this never ending road of pushing to the extreme, but forgetting the basics.

I’m learning, this isn’t a walk in the park anymore, making a LIFESTYLE out of this is tough. When you battle weight issues (whether addictions, disorders, self-esteem, medical conditions), it’s exactly that – a battle. I don’t know that the battle ever just “ends” one day when you’ve reached your pre-determined goal. Every day you have to make a conscious decision to continue supporting that healthy life and some days you’ll win and other days you’ll not play your “A” game, but a set-back does NOT have to be a failure!

One thing I'm starting to grasp though is the fact that I cannot forget where I've come from and when in doubt, GO BACK TO THE BASICS!

RACE DAY: "Bib Number"

Bib Number for my FIRST 10k!!!

"The biggest reward for a thing well done is to have done it." -Francois Voltaire

I'm beginning to acquire a bit of an addiction for these roadraces. There is something about the atmosphere of an OFFICIAL, CHIP-TIMED, MARKED OUT race course that gets the adrenaline pumping and drives runners to play their A-game! There is something about waking up at an ungodly time in the morning to fuel with water, bread and peanut butter (which I don't like) as well as stretching for the BIG EVENT that makes that early start worthwhile. I can't describe the feeling of putting on compression pants that at one time you thought you'd never be caught DEAD in, followed by lacing up a good pair of running shoes (I'm not talking about a cheap pair from Payless Shoesource either! No, you pay a pretty penny for this high class form of transportation that is powered by none other than YOU). It's normally a bit chilly, but that doesn't seem to effect you much as nerves are running high which I'm sure increases the blood flow. Everyone is stretching, some are running BEFORE the run (not me) in order to warm up, others are removing layers to strip down to what resembles a babies shorts (that's about how long they are) and little tanks.

I encourage you, if you haven't yet, sign-up for a ROADRACE.

If you are like me, you go to "packet pickup" a day or two prior to the race as you don't need anything else to distract you from your mental preparation on race day. I mean, what if the line is too long and you can't make it to the start line? What if their fingers begin to scan the page, looking intently for your name, but it's no where to be found because there was some glitch in the system and your registration didn't transfer properly? That is the LAST thing you want to happen at the very LAST minute.

In this packet that you've picked up there are typically solicitations for various other upcoming races in the area, you know, these people are pushers and all knowing that most race runners quickly become addicted to this "roadrace high." There are two things that matter most in this packet though:

1. Your timing chip (to be laced to your shoe to track your official start/finish time)

2. YOUR BIB NUMBER

The second one is what I'm going to talk a bit about. Ah, the BIB NUMBER. Call me crazy, but one of the most exciting parts about the entire experience for me is this "BIB NUMBER" (apart from actually FINISHING the race). Why? I love securely fastening my BIB NUMBER to the front of my shirt on race day because of it's symbolism. This "number" is what sets me apart from those who are just in the crowd cheering, and those who RUN. This "number" silently SHOUTS that I'm no longer a spectator; I'm not on the sidelines watching everyone else live their lives while I stand going no where. This "number" labels me as someone who is IN the race, running, BELIEVING in myself and my ability.

Attaching this number floods my mind with so many thoughts and emotions. It reminds me not only of my physical run, but my fight of faith with scriptures like: "I can do ALL things through CHRIST who strengthens me." and "Greater is HE that is in me than he that is in the world," the one who tried to steal my life through obesity and how the GOD who lives in me is strengthening me to FIGHT against that work in my life. I remember when I struggled to walk to my car in the parking lot at work and how I used to hate if I had to park further than the first 3 rows at the grocery store because of how far it was from the entrance. I am now a participant IN an official race and I'm perservering. I might not be the fastest runner out there, and by no means do I think I'll be winning an award any day soon, but what means the most to me is:

I START. I RUN. I FINISH.

Now they are giving a 10-minute warning, alerting you that it's time to begin making your way to the starting line to wait for the gun to sound.

ANXIETY HITS.

THEN NERVOUSNESS.

NOW THE FEELING THAT YOU HAVE TO GO THE BATHROOM REALLY, REALLY, REEEALLLY STINKIN' BAD.

You learn a lot through running. You have to be disciplined, self-controlled, you have to listen to your body and fuel properly. So much of that directly correllates with this awesome journey of FAITH. As believers, we are called to be self-controlled and alert in our actions, disciplined in our lives, listen to the guidance of the Holy Spirit living in us and we are nourished through reading the word of God, time in prayer and worship. You endure through hardship and pain, things that we all face in life. You keep fighting the good fight of faith through trials and temptations. I'm reminded of this especially during the points of a race where you are so tired that you just want to quit. You are tempted to just stop in the middle of the road and bend over with your hands on your knees to surrender to this uncomfortable and at times painful exhaustion. But through it all, you just keep running!

I still can say without hesitation that I am NOT a fan of running, nope, I'm not one of those girls who claims to love it. But ya know, what I do love is what I learn about life on these runs. Some hard truths, some mental battles, but ALL of them become worth it when I've RUN my race and FINISHED the course marked out for me!

You might think I'm crazy, but I bet some of you know exactly what I'm talking about. For me, it all starts with the "BIB NUMBER."

1 Corinthians 9:24-27

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize."

Hebrews 12:1-3

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us RUN with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."